He's Back...

Well... to no ones surprise Morgan mounted his steed and sitting high in the saddle one couldn't help but think of Genghis Khan, The Lone Ranger, Teddy leading the Rough Riders... or, the Man From Snowy River...

(For background see post Back In The Saddle)

Our weekend north of Toronto in Muskoka with allies and men from as far away as Wisconsin was grand. Morgan shimmered; hit it out of the park; scored a knock out, hat-trick; he nailed it... God was with him! With vulnerability and insight Morgan offered out of his heart and life stirring up in the men a desire for more. It was a weekend of restoration and redemption for all of us.

He's back. And it is good!

Thank you for praying for us!

-Craig McConnell

Back In The Saddle

So… “little buster”; my friend,favorite disco dancer and Ransomed Heart colleague Morgan is getting back in the saddle after a hiatus of several years. He got bucked off a horse four summers ago when the two of us went to Alaska to lead a retreat for a group of collegians on a summer discipleship project. We hiked into a remote river, fished for 72 hours straight (King Salmon & Midnight Sun) hiked out and then sat in a hot unventilated sterile room and took in a session or two of Morgan teaching. Do I need to say we were spent… exhausted… wasted… fried… and so, while Morgan was sharing the deep things of his heart, mind and soul we, everyone of us, collectively fell asleep. That experience would make anyone skittish to step back into the role of public-speaker-wise-teacher-sage-Mr. Smarty pants.

But it’s time.

The two of us venture off today, and fly into Toronto (via the cursed O’Hare) and then drive up to a retreat center in Muskoka, Ontario. We’re throwing together some of our thoughts to describe the journey and transforming impact of walking with Christ. We haven’t done this before and therein lies the reason for this note. Please ask God to open our ears, eyes and hearts to all he would have us do and say… as we drive the 2-3 hours from the airport to the facility, as we speak Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Pray for both of us… for joy, redemption, wisdom, words, courage and grace… for our safe and on-time-without-delay flights… for God to show up big time!

Oh Lord we consecrate ourselves, this time, the facility and every man attending to you and your purposes. Come Jesus, come for everyman. AND for our wives and children… May they be hidden in Christ… safe, guarded, loved.

You can bet we’ll have some stories to share.

Thank you - Craig McConnell

Do Gorillas Have Wings?

Two hours before the wedding my crying is muted by the shower I’m in. I’m a mess.

It feels like two core emotions are woven together. There is gladness/joy.

My daughter is marrying our close friend’s son, a young man I know, love, respect and admire (my gosh we’ve vacationed, and shared inumerable “family-fun-nights” for years!).

And there is some other surging sentiment that could easily and too quickly be labeled grief/sorrow/loss. And so as the warm water begins to wane I’m processing these internal dynamics… and this is where words elude me. It feels like grief/sorrow but it isn’t really. The wedding is formalizing a very real change…a transition from my being the alpha male to whom Meagan looks for strength, protection, shelter, guidance and help to now being a beta male… I’m still her father but she’s now under his covering wing (do gorillas have wings?).

I find myself asking God about this raw emotion... and not surprising... he shows up… in the shower and begins to speak in a wonderful way…

Yes, there is something to grieve, a transition, a change, a shift to note and feel… but much, most of what I’m feeling is desire. Longing. A yearning for more of this. “This” being the joy and celebration of two close families becoming family. “This” being the intimacy we have and share, the passion, life, love, covenant, commitment, the communion of friends and close ones… the extreme happiness of all that awaits my daughter and Jared. It’s the beauty of the location, the friendships, good music, palm trees and huge deep pool, the smell of the flowers, God’s presence in all of it… it’s food, seeing all these kids who grew up with ours and are now healthy functioning adults, it’s about parenting well and celebrating, it’s about a beautiful wife… playful granddaughters, being in shorts and flip flops… it’s about a life I was meant to enjoy but only get tastes of here and there.

Joy and yearning woven together in a now cold shower.

And so… I'm about to walk her down the aisle.

I'm standing at the head of the aisle holding her hand. She's shaking; she adjusts her arm in my hand, “Dad, can you believe this is happening?” Behind her veil, her eyes moist, look to me… and I see her at three when frightened, I see her at six taking her to school for the first time, I see her on the couch cuddling with me during a scary scene in a movie, we're back at South High at the crowning of the Prom Queen… she's 18 looking into my eyes as she leaves for an adventurous year of school in Europe alone… she's a woman forever my daughter. She looking strongly for strength, she's telling me she loves me and always will, she's saying thank you, she's laughing, crying, joyful, she's holding tight and I want time to freeze.

The aisle should have never ended, and yet it did… as it should.

- Craig

My Daughters Wedding

To a father growing old nothing is dearer than a daughter.  ~Euripides

My daughter is getting married tomorrow. I’m walking her down The Aisle… giving her a kiss then giving her “away”.

I’ve been sitting at my computer staring at the screen for a while now. I have no words, I do have tears.I feel like some part of me is being held hostage, tied to a chair with duct tape over my mouth, I simply cannot speak or write.

So many moments in time surfacing… the day she was born; goofy hats and glasses; snuggling together. How horribly frightened I was through her teens… how unnecessary my fears were. Tickle fights; volleyball games,;homework sessions; answering or … trying to answer all her questions about why people are mean, God silent, and how caterpillars turn into butterflys. Oh, the pain in sending her off for school in Europe and leaving her behind when we moved to Colorado.

She is a beautiful women. I love being her father… my question: are we forever speechless in presence of beauty?

Jamie

Today we, as a staff gathered to mark the transition of Jamie from being The Correspondence Department of Ransomed Heart to a month of full time nesting and then mothering for a life time. I was so aware that this is a transition. Jamie will no longer be 3 doors down the hall. Gone is the potted “Charlie Brown” succulent sitting on her window sill. While the picture of Beaker remains centered perfectly on her door, the stuffed Kermit in a small vase is now gone along with the great photos that warmed the room of her and Tyler together smiling and dancing. Her recycling box… always full of plastic water bottles is absent. Gone is Junuh, her sheepish dog curled to her left next to the overstuffed chair and the sharply arranged stacks of mail in military order on her desk.

Earlier this incredibly wonderful team of men and women I work with gathered around to enjoy a few of Jamie’s favorite things: sushi, Greek salad, Izzes soda, cashew poppy-cock, and southwest salad with chicken, a huge fruit salad and of course… chocolate. We munched and shared heart-felt words with Jamie.

We thanked God and Jamie for taking our correspondence to a new level and for being the voice for Ransomed Heart to thousands of people in scores of countries with so many diverse questions and stories. There were remembrances of laughing, journey, mission, how God was in her coming to Ransomed Heart, swing dancing, that funky-stylish-cool-Jamie look and the beauty of her heart. She told a few stories about her favorite letters and a few of her “Pen Pals”. We circled around her and blessed this daughter of God for the seasons she’s been with us and for the season that begins in May.

I’m sitting in the overstuffed chair taking in her vacated office thinking about the people God brings in and out of our lives… some we miss, some not so much. … I miss Jamie… AND am so very happy for her. I’m thinking of what my friend Vern said about people who are here and then gone, “…there was a distinct whiff of the life God delivered through you. I hear the echo of your words, and attitudes that belie having been influenced by God through you.  It is amazing to me how God uses us to give life, and how long the echo of that life resounds in the lives around us.”

This empty office echoes Jamie’s life.

- Craig McConnell