29

Today my first born daughter turns 29… it was only a moment ago I held her for the first time promising her an unconditional-uninterrupted life of love that as a 27 year old father I knew nothing of. I pledged her a strength I didn’t yet have, a wisdom I would have 29 years later and my full engagement in her every season of growth. I would not spare the rod.  I would seize every teachable moment and grow her God’s way. This little gift would be celebrated, know the fear of the Lord, and be fathered in her unique and special gifting. I would always be there for her… I repeat, always there for her.  I meant every single word, and I fell short of each.

Every parent, no matter how godly and loving, falls short and in some way wounds their child. For a variety of reasons it’s inevitable.

Was it the night I didn’t get up to comfort her… letting her cry herself asleep? Was it my dismissal of her pain when she scraped her knee for the first time? Or my kinda- just- beneath- the- surface seething that oozed out during the teens years? Maybe it was grounding her for lying only to find out that she hadn’t. I’ll bet it was my impatience teaching her how to drive a stick shift… or some other moment I’m entirely unaware of?

I am a pretty good father.

I wish I had been the father I am now back when the girls were little.

Guess how I became the father I am now.

God used my children to grow me up… to father me… to sculpt me a little more into His image. I think God uses parenting to change/parent us more than he uses us to nurture our children (and in saying that I don’t for a moment want to minimize the affect/importance of our parenting upon our kids). At age 27 I couldn’t be the parent I am at 55. I’m not the father at 55 I will be at 70. That’s the way it is.

Seriously, God primarily used my kids to get to so many of the governing issues and abiding sins of my life. Unfortunately in that less-sanctified state I fell short as a dad and no doubt wounded my girls.

AND God has shown up for all of us.

I worship my gracious God who has both forgiven me and redeemed the oh so many failings… I love my daughters and now their daughters fully aware of the life my words, “you are beautiful… you fill my heart with sheer joy” bring them. And in moments together snuggling on the couch or sitting around enjoying a cup of coffee together or in aisle 7 looking for an iron at Target I tell stories of those difficult seasons, I share my story and I let them into the grief I have over my sin and the impact it must have had on them. And I leave the door open for them to raise with me anything I might have done/said that lingers… and we talk, snuggle, finish the coffee and pay for the iron.

They know my love… and it covers a multitude of sins.

And in all of this they, as parents, see all that awaits them… the unconditional-uninterrupted of love of their Heavenly Father. – Craig McConnell

Comments

[Brad]

Happy birthday to your daughter...and happy late fathers day to you and all the fathers of Ransomed Heart...I have told many people that in the very short time that I have been a father (4 years), I have realized more Gods love for me than ever before, and am more aware of Him at work in the life of our family

[brandon]

thank you for sharing this. as the father of (3) daughters (4.5, 3, 1), I think about many of these things on a daily basis, and sincerely appreciate the encouragement and wisdom you share in this. congratulations to '29' years of parenting! it seems like so far away, but as you said, it will arrive before I know it.

[Craig McConnell]

Brandon,
Three daughters!!! You are a blessed man.

[David Felts]

I've said it before Craig, but you rock dude...thanks for showing us your heart towards your kids. It makes me glad to know that I'm not the only one out there wondering if I'm doing alright as a dad....you are a blessed man, and I'm glad that you are speaking into my life...strength and honor.......

[Val]

Oh Thank You. This is wisdom and encouragement I need in this season.

[Rocco]

Craig,

I had to wait three days to respond to this. I wept when I first read it. The tears still welling up as I type...

With an alcoholic dad, I have a wound and many agreements that God has been healing, and fathering me through this past year. This blog really touched a sensitive part of that.

I have 2 daughters (10, 8) and I desperately want them to know Love, as the Author of Love would define it. It is good to be reminded that God is Fathering me to become all that He dreams I can be. That I may not be there yet, and that is ok. That is OK. For He is the true Father of my daughters, and He is Fathering them as well.

Thanks Craig,
Rocco

[Scott]

Craig,

I appreciate so much your heartfelt insight on raising your daughters. I have two myself - 10 and 14. Your words over the years in this ministry have helped me on so many different levels; more than you can possibly imagine. Your daughters are greatly blessed to have you as their dad. Thanks for sharing.

[Robert]

Thanks Craig. God has used this post to help me realize that I'm not the only one who has shortcomings as a dad. I have a 4 year old (adopted) son whom I love dearly but sometimes struggle with blowing my top at him. I'm depending on God to continue to help me grow as a dad.

[Craig McConnell]

Rocco,
Welcome to the fellowship of reflective parents. Our woundedness and deep desires for our children lead us to a healing/restorative relationship with our Father. I'm enjoying the path. - Craig

[Craig McConnell]

Scott…
“To a father growing old nothing is dearer than a daughter.” ~Euripides

[Robby]

My first child is turning 2 and I already see my failures as to numerous to count. She is the most awesome and precious gift outside of God's own son I could be given. Kevin Lehman had great advice that has stuck with me. It is something like, "we will never be great parents. But, we can be good parents". My goal is to be as good a father I can be and in so doing become a great father.

[Scott from Boston]

Hey Craig,
I met you at the April blizard BC in 05.It has been quite a journey. Most of my thoughts have been my shortfall with my son. My daughter has always been a princess and never given me a lick of trouble even durring the teen years. she is now 27 and getting ready to make me a grandfather in Nov. Just this week I was convicted on my lack of prayer for my children over these years. I was truly ashamed and taken back. It has left me very unsettled and after reading your story of your daughter and your intent I know that not only did I fall wowfuly short but I am sure that I wounded her as well as my son. Thank you for shareing this. I didn't know what to do with my shame but now I know that I need to talk to Jen and open the door for her to bring up any thing that I mat have done that wounded her. You are one of those that I thank God He brought into my life. You will never know the impact you had on my life at the BC and I thank you for your faithfulness. Scott Van Dyke

[Craig McConnell]

Scott,
Wow!!! Your son and daughter have a good father! I'm with you on this journey of loving well. I cannot wait to be the man/lover I'll be at 76! - Craig

[Craig McConnell]

Robby,
God's at work shaping you into the man/husband/father you long to be. Enjoy every freaking moment with your little one... it all passes so quickly. - Craig

[Heather]

Hello,
Craig your blog about giving what we haven't received impacted me deeply. I heard it on your podcast a couple years ago and it has stuck with me. So often we hear the message about how we're sinners...but I fear that often we don't acknowledge God's redeeming work in our lives. Thank you for sharing your experiences!