A Hero of Mine
One of the heroes of faith for me is my friend Janie.
I will always remember the day she shared her grief with me. Her losses were great and would overwhelm/crush/smother/demoralize anyone. Everyone.
I sat across from her in my office.
I’m the pastor, the one charged/ordained/called to remind people of God… to point them to Him.
In those moments of raw heartache and anguish all my rote answers seemed hollow, impotent, canned, cliché. I knew Janie. I knew the details. I wanted to offer her something substantive, real, O God I wanted Him to show up in some way that I couldn’t.
By the way… so many of the “rote”/cliché answers I couldn’t offer as a 42 year old pastor I can offer now, though altered a bit, because of the journey I’ve lived… a younger man cannot talk of God the way an older man may. Read my blogs in another 15 years if you really want some sagely insight!
So there she sat… wronged, despairing, despondent, lamenting with alligator tears and in broken voice said, “… and in all of this I have never known God’s loving heart as I now do.”
I sat there paralyzed by her story… a story I knew nothing of. The story of a God who is there, really there, always there. I’ve found Him since, but I’ve never forgotten how Janie reminded me of Him and pointed me to Him.
– Craig McConnell
O man! I so hear you....
How many times have I sat across from a broken hearted person wishing I had the "right" words to say... ugh!! Praying for Jesus to miraculously show up and just fill my mouth with life changing words that would bring this person an epiphany answer... and just solve it all. But she had it, didn't she? She clung on to THE only answer that there is... Jesus.
So many people are walking through trials right now, and this was such a great reminder, Craig. Thanks for that!
Bless you! Amy
Posted by: Amy | February 05, 2009 at 05:01 PM
Amy...
... and He shows up! Time and time again. I'm stunned with his surprise appearances throughout the week... in a song, a smile, a film clip... sunset, through the words of someone you don't enjoy/respect/love... a book, a moment's pause.
I am humbled by all I learn from those looking to me for counsel/insight/fathering/mentoring. Thanks Amy!
Posted by: Craig McConnell | February 05, 2009 at 06:27 PM
Yea, Craig. Thank you: that really is a good reminder of how many times God blows apart whatever box I put him in. I imagine that He can "only" speak in "certain" ways that fit into my understanding of Him. When He destroys the box and does something that I consider "crazy" or not really normal, it only widens my sight of Him and deepens my understanding of who He is.
Praise God that He is so much more than I (and others) think Him to be!!!
Posted by: Glenn | February 06, 2009 at 03:48 AM
He truly is our ever present help. The only hope when there is none to be found amongst humanity. More great insight Craig-thanks!
Posted by: Drew Hampshire | February 06, 2009 at 07:34 AM
Glenn,
Have you read The Knowledge of the Holy by A.W. Tozer? A great devotional on the attributes of God that leaves me on my knees in silent awe of our God:Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
Posted by: Craig McConnell | February 06, 2009 at 09:23 AM
I laughed til my sides hurt! I could not have put it in better words than you! Have so been there and pray you will get better and better as you persevere!!! Laughing is a good medicine and does a heart good. Soak it in and know Your Abba is having a good laugh WITH you. Press on brother!! We serve a great God!
Posted by: Beverly | February 06, 2009 at 12:05 PM
Whoops! I posted on the wrong one! I meant the previous comment to go with the post under this one. Sorry!
Posted by: Beverly | February 06, 2009 at 12:08 PM
hmmm...i think what strikes me most is that you recognized it. you recognized that there is a longing that rote answers don't satisfy. i can't tell you the amount of people who don't even scratch the surface of that longing. who offer the platitudes to silence their own aches and hope to sound good in the process. admittedly, i have been that person. now i have fewer answers but much more compassion. at least on the good days. :-)
Posted by: jill dyer | February 06, 2009 at 01:55 PM
Craig,
This is a hard to grasp lesson. His ways are high! We learn through suffering what can be understood no other way. Through the comfort that He comforts us with through the trial, He is instilling in us the gift of His compassion so we may comfort others with the same comfort that we have been comforted with. Our eyes are opened to circumstances that we never before were able to understand. Sometimes our silent understanding is His perfect answer.
Sharing in His sufferings is the way up........I am learning to embrace it, not run from it. Your friend Janie is truly blessed!
Jim
Posted by: Jim | February 06, 2009 at 02:43 PM
No, Craig, I haven't read it. But it's sounds great. That will be the next book on my "to-read" list. Tozer's stuff is rich. The last book of his that I read was "The Pursuit of God." Wow. He says so much with so few words. Thanks!
Posted by: Glenn Siepert | February 06, 2009 at 03:47 PM
Beverly, Whoops… I wasn’t sure which blog post to post my response to your comments… thank you for your response… you had me laughing. Ahhh you’re so right, it is good for our soul. There are times I know my Father is chuckling, I feel His pleasure… and I join in. That may explain why I'm accused of always having a smirk on my face. Keep laughing gal! -Craig
Posted by: Craig McConnell | February 06, 2009 at 04:03 PM
Jill...Okay, you just stopped me in my tracks. Thank you.
I'm simply sitting on my couch reading over and over (and pondering) your comments:
"...who offer the platitudes to silence their own aches and hope to sound good in the process. admittedly, i have been that person. now i have fewer answers but much more compassion. at least on the good days."
15 minutes later I'm still. Pondering. Listening. Amazed.
O LORD, forgive me. Thank you I'm less that man!
So, I can have answers or compassion?
I choose compassion.
Posted by: Craig McConnell | February 06, 2009 at 04:22 PM
It's such a great feeling when cliche answers start to finally have true meaning. Until then, that advice just feels so empty, and it makes you wonder if it actually helps at all. But, we might never know unless we kept wondering for God to fill us in
It's the God who holds onto us through all the difficult times and causes us to grow who made me finally believe
Thanks for this post, Craig
Posted by: Darren | February 06, 2009 at 04:49 PM
For me, I never understood the goodness of compassion. Answers seemed to be the logically desired outcome of talking to someone about your issues. Of course, that is when you think of God as a formulaic, linear-thinking being who's got the cure for what ails you in three simple steps. As I travel this weird, curvy, awkward as arse journey of grace and suffering though, I find that it is simply the telling and the reminder that at the end of the tale Jesus is still in it with me that brings the peace and the stillness. So yes, compassion is what I most want to have--and to extend to others. I think it makes us look more like Jesus than anything else (I am shocked at that statement cause I had never really thought about it like that, lol).
Posted by: Kristen | February 08, 2009 at 09:48 AM
kristen,
i love what you said. "weird, curvy, awkward as arse journey of grace and suffering." exactly. i love how you spun it too..."simply the telling and the reminder that at the end of the tale Jesus is still in it with me." i feel like you described something i had never put into words. thank you so much for offering your thoughts. i think "awkward as arse" is going to be one of my new favorite sayings! :-)
jill dyer
Posted by: jill dyer | February 09, 2009 at 08:44 AM
Jim,
Thank you for your comments. When it comes to discussing "suffering" I bow in humility to the wisdom/insight and experience of others.
While we all experience (and then downplay or diminish) the violent trauma, scarring dismissal, alienation, and governing wounds of simply breathing in a fallen world; and though I've known pain... and can speak to the issue... I'm so aware that my life has been blessed. Easy in some ways. The Janie's of the world have much to say... and to show us. - Craig
Posted by: Craig McConnell | February 17, 2009 at 02:15 PM
Darren,
Very good words.
I keep thinking, I can offer advice or compassion.
Clarity/insight or God.
Posted by: Craig McConnell | February 17, 2009 at 02:20 PM
Kristen... great thoughts (I too love your vocabulary).
I know, I know I'm repeating myself:
I can offer advice or compassion.
Clarity/insight or God.
Understanding does not equal healing.
Knowing all mysteries does not trump love.
Posted by: Craig McConnell | February 17, 2009 at 02:32 PM