Last Tuesday

So Lori tells me our daughter is bleeding. She’s 17 weeks pregnant 1276 miles away in The City of the Angels. My heart begins to swell. I call her and hear just beneath the surface of her always-joyful life giving voice the silver tongued devil’s fear. I mutter some words, give her my heart expressing my love, and enter the battle for my daughter and the baby in her womb.

In the moment I hang up the phone I burst into tears. My father’s heart turns violent in storming the throne of grace so aware that I have nothing but my belief in a powerful, every-present good God. I’m a madman exercising every bit of faith I have… appealing to another Father’s heart for intervention.

How little control we have over the most important things in life.

Totally dependent, with swelling hope and desire I find myself over and over… a 180,000 times praying for Life… for my grandchild, for my daughter… for my family.

The phone call comes. The doctor cannot find a heartbeat.

And so there we are… now speechless, still and overcome with pain/loss. Still clinging to God but with a loosened grip while His grip has tightened.

Death has such a sting…

When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: "Death has been swallowed up in victory."
"Where, O death, is your victory?
      Where, O death, is your sting?"The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. 57But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. – 1 Corinthians 15

Life will prevail.

-Craig McConnell

Comments

[Jill Dyer]

ohhh...grief for you, lori, and your sweet daughter. praying you all FEEL his tightened grip.

[David]

I grieve with you my brother. My deepest apologies.

[Zachary]

tears...more tears...yes life will prevail!

[David Felts]

My heart goes out to you and your family Craig. I have no words, no platitudes, no posing, nothing...just wanted you to know that I am praying for you and yours. Much love, strength and honor....

[Caleb]

Praying for your family, Craig. God's comfort and peace for you...

[Allen Wallace]

I cry.
-Allen Wallace
CA

[Glenn Siepert]

My mom always says that tears cleanse the body. I pray that your tears being renewal in this time and that you and your family feel the tight grip of God. Peace to you, brother.

[Ryan]

Praying for the peace and comfort of God over you and yours. That He would wrap His arms around your family and bring you near to Him and His love.

[BelievingThomas]

So sorry Craig.

[Kevin Dahlenburg]

I am so sorry to hear this, Craig -

[Jenny]

I'm so sorry, Craig. My heart breaks for you and your family. In praying for you all this morning, this verse came to mind. May it bring comfort and peace as you grieve...

"Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders." Deuteronomy 33:12

And yes, in spite of pain and loss, life WILL prevail!

[John]

So very sorry to hear, Craig. I'm hurting with you, dear brother. May you and all your family experience the comfort of the Holy Spirit throughout this time.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort; who comforts us in all our affliction so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ." II Cor 1

[Jordan]

My heart is heavy with sorrow, but I can feel that God's is even more so.

I feel a great burden from the Spirit to remind you of John 10:10 in full "The thief comes to steel, kill, and destroy, but I have come to give you life abundant," Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose," and Psalms 30:5 "Weeping may last all night, but joy comes with the morning."

[Doug Nolte]

Thanks for sharing your pain. No words for you other than, "Thanks".

[Rick]

Praying for you and your family Craig, may the knowledge of a loving God deep in all this be your strength, and may your strength in that be a light for your family in this dark time.

[David]

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Don't take that as contrite as it seems in print. Take it as another father petitioning THE Father.

[Debbie Whiston]

Craig,
May you know the deep presence of His heart in all these things.
After losing a baby of my own, the questions and pain remained for a very long time~~the only thing that made any sense in all of it was that no matter what, He IS a good God and weeps with us and walks with us and carries us through.
Debbie

[Mike Dyer]

Thank you for your transparency and letting us engage with you and your family. Just really sense His embrace..."we have this faith as an anchor for the soul."

[Craig McConnell]

This is Craig using mz friend

[Tony Adams]

Wow Craig, I had no idea. Thanks for pouring your heart out here with an honesty and depth that only a father can. For inviting us into your private pain and loss. Prayers lifted for your daughter and her husband, you and Lori. That you experience the presence of Papa all the more through this, that Joy is restored. Somehow.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and paraphrase our friend: "Death is never natural; it was never meant to be this way."

Love you guys,
Tony

[Dan G]

Craig,

You won't remember me, but I'll always remember the bear-hug you gave me after a WAH last year. It was just exactly what I needed. Well, here it is back in spirit, to you and all your family. I wish it could be in person, but this note and my prayer will have to suffice.

[Brendan Wheatley, Australia]

Craig, I am the father of a child who was lost before they could be born. Share your hurt. It is even worse for the women ... be there.

[Charlie]

Again, all I can say is -- I love ya man!

[Vern Hyndman]

Craig my brother, thanks for bringing this here, for bringing your pain and grief and your love for your family here. The picture of your approach, of storming the throne... and now, of living in the surreal pain, where more is called for from you as a father than is yours to give, and you've no alterantive but to be a conduit of grace from God.

Life prevails, even when it doesn't look like our expectations... and the love that comes from the source of life prevails through you.

I pray that your family and you feel God's presence and His love extraordinarily in this situation, this loss, and in the pain of living through the unimaginable.

-vern-

[Jodi]

Craig...my husband & I lost our first, from the womb, around this time 12 years ago...every year, about this time, I find a melancholy sense coming around inside me and then the LORD gently reminds me why- because I usually can't figure it out- and then He & I have a good cry.... and then He lifts my face and wipes away the tears...

Praying for you and your dear family....

[john castro]

sorry to hear this craig, group 39 in jail and I have your family in our prayers.

[Shannon]

Craig,
My husband said to me as I walked into the room, "this is a sad one." I came over and read your blog and Rich and I wept together. We have miscarried a son at 3 months in September 2005 and our daughter, Sarah, was stillborn at 5 months October 21, 2006. The birth of our daughter was the most difficult because we saw her, held her and had to let her go...we are too familiar with the grief. In the days following the death of our daughter, the longing to have our child with us again was almost crushing at times. However, relief,comfort, peace and some healing came when the Lord spoke to me and said, " Sarah is with you because I am with you." Wow, yes, both our beloved children are with us even in this life because they are with Jesus and Jesus is with us always. Rich and look forward to the day we can be reunited with our children and until then we rest knowing Jesus cares for them tenderly and perfectly.

May the comfort and peace of our Lord come to you and your family as you go through this time.

[Jill Dyer]

Shannon,

What beauty in the words Jesus spoke to you and what beauty in your heart for embracing them....Thank you for sharing your journey.

[Craig McConnell]

A few days ago I had a few minutes of internet access and read most of your comments. Your words affirmed so much of what I know to be true and need to hear. Thank you. Thank you. - Craig

[Shannon Price]

Jill,

You, as well as I, did not know how much I was in need of what you wrote.

Thank you.

[Shannon Cooke]

My eyes welled with tears...I cannot fathom. Am so sorry for your loss.

[Rebekah]

Hey, it's Rebekah
You don't know me, but thank you. Life will prevail. Of all days I wanted to hear that today, my dad died 3 days ago. It was that "C" word, cancer, he had it for 10 years and I've watched him slowly being able to lead less and less of the active life he loves. The rest of us are still here, my mum, my sister who is 22, me who is 20 and my 2 brothers 18 and 16. My dad who loved to run and hike and climb trees and rocks, and so many other things. Life will prevail!