A Son of Zebedee

Jon, my son-in-law, is my wingman.

A wingman is the man who is covering your tail, an extra set of eyes guarding your vulnerabilities. The mission is effectively accomplished because of the teamwork between a pilot and his wingman.

I’m the pilot.

Our mission is to rescue the hearts of a group of men with the beauty, power and truth of the Gospel.  The plan was for Jon to fly into Denver from LA early Wednesday morning to give the two of us a full day to connect, get caught up, go over our notes and run a few errands before we leave for Toronto at 5 AM the next morning. There was a lot to get done. Unfortunately Jon had to do the United Two Step… his flight was delayed several times, with different reasons/excuses given and then finally cancelled. In a rare moment of customer awareness and competence they finally got Jon on a flight, gave him a 1 oz. bag of nuts, a 4 oz. serving of diet Coke and landed the plane (with his luggage on it!).* 

Our day has vanished, my plan skittled leaving me frazzled. I rush north to Denver International to pick up my wingman in one of those wouldn’t-it-be-nice-if-days-like-this-never-ever-happened godless moods.

“Godless” in the sense that something in me is ranting and raving about  life not unfolding in the comfortable, pain and hassle free manner I demand.

“Demand” in the sense that all poor reactions have at their root, core beliefs about God’s goodness and what brings life. My reaction, like the “idiot” light on the car dashboard, indicates some governing world-view is being thwarted/challenged. (Note James 4)

A good time to take an inside look is when life turns unpleasant. In such times we become one of the Sons of Zebedee who approach Christ with the demand, “I want You to do for me whatever I ask of You.” (Mark 10:35).

I wanted this day, with Jon to go a “certain way” so that… this conference, with Jon would go a “certain way” and that when the mission is over I’d feel a “certain way” about the conference, myself and life in general. “Jesus I expect you to do for me whatever I ask…”

As I drove I was aware that all is not well internally. I put in The Daily Prayer CD*, which a recording of John Eldredge praying the prayer that many of us pray on a daily basis (It’ll change your prayer life). I’ll often meditate on the words as I’m driving around, pausing it at different points to linger with my own prayers and reflections. 14 seconds into the prayer there’s an acknowledgment of God being sovereign. I stop the CD and allow the idea of God being over all, in control, the sovereign God counter the sense I have that all of life is chaotic and fully out of control… that this mission is a mistake and so am I.

It was great. I traversed into a reflective spell pondering the overwhelming reality that it was God who put this entire trip together: it was God prompting Tom, our Canadian host to invite me, his suggesting that I bring a wingman, God suggesting Jon as my wingman … that God is going before us preparing the men for whatever unfolds… that He, God, would use this mission for some purpose in our lives! 

And the question surfaced was, “Given God’s sovereignty, what could happen that we couldn’t handle?”

Lose my notes!?
“It would be a relief… finally loosed from my dependence upon them I would be free to share my unanchored heart/soul.”

We miss a flight!?
“That’s simple… it’s an act of God for which we have no control, and actually might be fun.”

Jon and I are somehow separated!?
“Yeah and so? We’d make it together eventually, and if not? What a story to tell in the years ahead!

We crash and die!?
“Lori’s rich, I’m in heaven… what could I have done?”

We crash and don’t die!?
“What a story to tell in the years ahead!”

The men hate me!?
“Hey, I’m just the messenger.”

The men love me, hoist me on their shoulders and worship me as some god!?
“What a story to tell for years and years… and years”

It’s at this moment I find myself veering off the interstate and mistakenly onto a highway headed the opposite direction.

I’m thrown out of my meditative state now facing a circuitous detour and tardy arrival with even less time to get everything done! Immediately I respond will a variety of “French” expressions.

Then another question rises and quickly tempers my reaction… “If God is sovereign, is it appropriate to be profane when you make a wrong exit while musing about his control over all things?”

I crack up. How quickly my response to disruptive undesired circumstances reveals my governing beliefs about his sovereignty!

– Craig McConnell

* Excuse the cynicism… it’s hard being a frequent flyer these days!@#?

Comments

[Allen Wallace]

[Laughing loudly] this is the story of my life on a daily basis... sometimes I have to just lean back, shake my head at how dense I am and thank the LORD I am forgiven... - Allen (SoCal)

[David Felts]

Man Craig thank you for putting into words what I have been unable to do. I reflected on the Daily Prayer as I awoke late this morning and made it through it in 5 minutes...proud that I was able to check that off of my list, and now after reading this blog I realize that I didn't get anything out of that this morning...might as well have been reading the ingridients on the cereal box I was unable to get to as well.
You are a fount of wisdom Craig, and I once again am humbled by your ability to be so transparent....thanks again....strength and honor...

[Craig McConnell]

Allen,
Forgiven YES!!! And so very much more.

[Mike Dyer]

So...this whole thwarting idea is a very interesting one. On one hand there is Satan thwarting us...coming against us. Trying to have us throw in the towel. And on the other...God is fathering us. It is easy for us in our selfish little worlds to believe that when things do not go according to plan that we must need to pray against something...that Satan is thwarting our efforts, or we get into that whiney mode of why does life seem to aways suck...why does it have to be so hard.

Our church has been taking a look at Job here lately and the idea of God allowing stuff. So it seems to me (and I know it's not so simple, just thinking outloud) that a good way to approach thwarting is that yes, the crap is going to fly, and it's not so much that the crap IS flying but how you respond when it hits you in the face. Pray against it...put the cross of Christ between you and "it", but also, consider what brokenness in me causes the whineys...what God might be up to in allowing this to come my way.

[chris roe]

Thanks, Craig. Your story shared opens avenues of acceptance in our own. In mine. Esp the "french" expressions while driving alone.

[Rocco Capra]

Craig, This is such 'Good' stuff! I love your writing/communication style. Life changing truth... with a smile :o)

Rocco

[Mark Kragh]

Craig, thanks for being honest and human! I know it is a daily battle that we are fighting and really what is important anyways...a little profanity out of some of our frustrations? I think God looks down and has a chuckle!!

I was praying while driving a couple weeks ago, feeling good, making a break through and I heard a negative thought come into my mind trying to thwart my prayers and before I knew it I had verbally told the devil to ---- off...surprisingly enough he did flee!!! I don't normally make that a habit. (lol)

I just appreciate the way all of you at Ransomed Heart are transparent and honest, while in your journey to be close to God. Your message has made a difference in my life as well as my wife's and we are slowly and deliberately helping spread the good news!!
God bless, and remember you are in my prayers!!

[Vern Hyndman]

Wow, Craig, what a coincidence! I speak French as well... OK, not Parisian French... OK... not even rural Quebec French... OK.. French that would make a French Canadian fisherman wince.

God thwarts me because my agenda is so different than His.

I'm working on my next plan to change the world, and He insists on reminding me that I'm loved in some frustratingly beautiful way.

Sometimes we live under a self imposed tyranny that God insists on dismantling. God replaces expectations with the tension of expectancy, and delivers more than I knew to ask. And I'm amazed by how often I'm pissed off in the process.

I know a lot of folks find solace in knowing God smiles on them... but I'm fairly certain God smirks with me... I imagine God with a knowing smirk... "wait till he figures out what I did, he'll SO regret how pissed he is right now." Craig, I bet He smirks with you too!

After reading Dan Allender's work in "To Be Told", I'm reminded that while God is sovereign, He invites us into the writing of our own stories.

For me, it's God consistently redeeming my wrong turns, injecting love and truth and opportunity into a left I immediately regretted taking, but grew to appreciate.

-vern-

[David Felts]

Vern your comment about french...just made my day thanks!

[ed (rhcc....a long time ago, in a far-away land)]

Hey Craig,
I'm sure this is a remedial thought, but your blog here just makes me ponder the role expectations play in souring and confounding desire. Too often I feel like I puruse expectations like I should pursue desire.....and limit desire the way I should limit expectations. I'm haunted right now by the fact that I look on the outward appearance and God looks at the heart...in relationships and situations.

[jane rios]

how interesting that i read this on THIS day, when my husband and i are apart and he has to make decisions I'm not quite sure of and i cant help... "(I)allow the idea of God being over all, in control, the sovereign God counter the sense I have that all of life is chaotic and fully out of control… that this mission is a mistake and so am I." Perhaps the mission is NOT a mistake, only God in heaven knows at this moment, and if He is in control, then i MUST rest in his ability to handle all things! Perhaps my husband's mission will be quite OK.................

[bethany]

I can relate to so much of this. Vern, your comment about "working on your next plan to change the world, while He insists on loving you in some frustratingly beautiful way" really struck at my core. I experienced that in a work situation, where for nine months I tried desperately to change the philosophy and procedures of my workplace, consuming all my time and energy. In the end, I was mercifully thwarted: they broke my contract 3 months early - they said openly that I was very good at what I do, but that they needed to let me go because my values weren't compatible with theirs. That started a journey of healing for me, and two years later I am much less "in control" of my life but I have so much more joy and peace.