The Turn Out

Lori and I just celebrated our 34 years of marriage.

I remember when we were dating and occasionally drove up the mountain road to Chantry Flats in the San Gabriel Mountains that bordered our hometown. In a few quick miles there were several turn outs that provided a perch to view the shimmering evening lights of LA.

We’d go up there to pray over the city!

Once we were cruising the twisty road and came up behind an older car dawdling up the grade piloted by an older couple - I was 22, they had to be in their 80’s. Once I got past the frustration of their slow pace bottlenecking a growing line of impatient road hacks I noticed how close Gram and Gramps were sitting. They were like two peas in a pod (do I sound like Forest Gump?), tight as could be right up alongside one another. In those days it was common for a car’s front seat to be a bench seat and the absence of mandatory seat belt laws made it easy to snuggle while you drove. He had one hand on the wheel and the other around her shoulder.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               We were mesmerized by an old married couple being so in love… after decades! Following them for a couple of miles I think a little cynicism I had about marriage was being dismantled by this pair of silver-haired lovers. Deeper than my cynicism was a latent desire for a marital intimacy and relationship that would thrive over the decades. Decades! I knew that someday, with someone, I’d say something along the lines of “till death do us part”, but long loving marriages weren’t a prominent theme in my world, and besides, the rapture was due in the next year or two making any long term commitment a mute point. Until that moment I don’t think I ever considered a long loving ever-increasing intimate marriage a very real possibility. Lori and I were captivated by the untold love story putzing along in front of us. When they pulled over into a familiar turn out, we couldn’t help but pull in right alongside of them. There they sat enjoying the city lights, there we sat enjoying them and began to believe and hope for ourselves. At the time I said to myself and then out loud, that’s what I want… I want to be that couple at that age… in this turn out, very much in love.

On many occasions since I’ve remembered that couple.

34 years into a marriage I hope lasts for seventy I think we have an incredible marriage... but, I know there’s so much more for us to experience, enjoy, offer and be, as husband and wife. Many times I’ve said to Lori, “I cannot wait till we’ve been married for 50 years… by then I will have become more the man who loves you as God intended you to be loved.”

We’re closing in on that older couple we saw 36 years ago, and I'm no longer a cynic. I know firsthand that a long lasting loving intimate marriage is possible! It is good!

If you see us pulled over in a turn out, pull up alongside, but hey, don’t flash the lights… we’re praying!

- Craig McConnell

Comments

[Lorimcconnell@me.com]

I LOVE YOU and look forward to taking that drive up to Chantry Flats for some celebratory prayer! (but I'm thinking a limo...it might be safer!) XOXO

[Rocco]

"Pray for the city"?! Ha ha, yeah right!!

[jill dyer]

craig...love it. what a great story.

when i was about 12 i remember spending the night at my older cousin's ranch. my cousin and his wife have six kids. after they put all the kids down and we all turned in (them to their upstairs bedroom and me to the couch) i remember hearing their laughter and just the easy conversation regarding the day. they were such good friends and their enjoyment of eachother was so real. i laid on the couch listening and thinking "i want a marriage some day where i can laugh about the kids and talk over the day with my favorite person."

after years of hard work, my favorite person and i have that. it's opposed, we still have hard work to do, but it is real and good.

your gratitude reminds me of the treasure my marriage is. many, many more years to you and lori. we need your wisdom, heart, and love to be lived out so we can keep learning from it.

and lori? i hope you get the limo! :-)

[Jay Gersabeck]

Craig,

Loved your story. May God grant you the desire of many more years with the wife of your youth.. Blessing each day together and give you the strength and courage for each day.

Jay
Jeremiah 30:17, 33:6

[Rand S]

Craig
You are a cold drink of water! We are at 17 yrs, only by God's grace. I too so want that partnership, that "Good marriage". We have come so far but have a long journey ahead. The turn came when I picked up "WAH" and I know now it's possible and I'm not alone. I'm so grateful for your honesty and humility. I was really thirsty this morning. Prayed for you as I drove in today. Rand

I had the same reaction as Rocco!

[Craig McConnell]

Rocco,
What else would young passionate, recently converted "Jesus Freaks" be doing?

[Craig McConnell]

Jill,
Your story stirs up stories of my own. I thank God for all the stories that surround me, calling me, inviting me into something deeper and truer than I could ever discover on my own.

And your description of Michael is great! - Craig

[Craig McConnell]

Rand,
Our 17th feels, at the same moment, like yesterday and a life time ago. Take in all the life you have together, suck the marrow out of the bone!

[Bill Morrison]

Craig,
Your words to Rand "Take in all the life you have together, suck the marrow out of the bone!" is so important to remember. That was so plain to me in the latter days of my first bride's life. We made it to almost 33 years. Yet as my second bride and I approach 5 years, your words calls me to task - am I taking in all the life available or have I got complacent. I think that's why the good Lord brings role models like the dawdling grams and gramps into your life and He brings a Craig and Lori into ours.

[Craig McConnell]

Bill, a quote I just read this evening,

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” ~ Mark Twain

I would add: live! Love! We do well who love well! - Craig

[Ron Woodson]

Graig,
We have been married for 32 years. We still meet at Mc Donald for lunch. Still love just being with her.
Ron

[Craig McConnell]

Ron,
What a wonderful description of your marriage, “Still love just being with her”. So simple, so loving, so very good! Well done my friend! - Craig

[Bryan]

At our Love and War Tour end celebration with staff and spouses, I noticed that you and Lori were one of the few couples touching each other... just leaning in. It made me smile.

[Danielle]

This made me smile, Craig....and feel hopeful.

[Trisha]

This gives me hope. I know someday I will marry again and this time it will be forever.

Blessings to you and your wife. :)

[Bruce Johann]

MMMMMM...think I'll take my new bride Pam up to ol' Chantry Flat for time together. Of course, we'll pray, share, and have a smooch or two... in your honor, of course! And we'll pray for the time here to suck that marrow out! And love each other well!!