Professor

I’m sitting up in the sound booth during one of our conferences as my mind begins to wander…  I’m musing over how long it has been and how much I miss teaching on an ongoing basis. I’ve always viewed myself as a “pastor-teacher” and thought the full effect/ power of my life is most felt by those “sitting” under my tutelage over time. I don’t think my strengths are suited as a one hour shock-and-awe inspirational circuit speaker. So… in the midst of my fond remembrances of teaching, God nudges in and, like a good friend interested in my story asks,

“When did you enjoy teaching most?”

I’m grinning ear to ear with an immediate response.

It was the college level theology courses I regularly taught at my church in LA. I’m beaming as I recall the seasons of waxing eloquent on Christology, Sanctification, Anthropology, and Harmitology… 

Yep… you bet I was feeling groovy passing out my 70 page syllabus chock full of enlightening insights, profound perspectives, implications and applications… oh, and a ton of footnotes noting alternative views with their pros and cons,  rabbit trails, sources, exegetical notes  etc. etc…. after all, any serious book of note on God has lots of footnotes!!! I loved it, loved it, loved it! It was thorough, commanding clarity on the cardinal doctrines of the faith… full of footnotes.

And then, in a sagely all-knowing tone, the voice of a loving father God says, “Yeah… you were hiding”

Pause.

Silence. One thousand one, one thousand two… one thousand six, my smile is now a gawking opened mouth with furrowed brow and questioning eyes.

He continues, “You loved it so much because you “found” validation there. Your syllabus and footnotes… your teaching was all a desperate strategy to win a little applause and fend off the haunting fear that you have nothing to say…. ”

So I stroll through memory lane thinking back decades to my stint in seminary and how I wanted to get a Ph.D.  convinced that Doctor Craig McConnell would unquestionably have something noteworthy to say… right? Heck, I’d be an expert in the study of God! I’d be someone.

It’s taken a seven year hiatus from teaching to see, and it’s a bit embarrassing... a little tough to own one’s spiritual adultery, but here I was in the middle of a conference, admitting that one of my genuine strengths had been twisted into a godless quest for life… the abandonment of God for the affirmation of man. The blinded pursuit of a validation God alone can provide.  Admiring my footnotes instead of crying out to the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob for the life I sought.

I’m sober, repentant and feeling invited into a deeper dependence upon God.

He’s smiling, I’m smiling and in an hour I’ll be speaking to 433 men. I'm no longer concerned whether or not I leave them smiling.

I’m marveling at the times and places God “shows” up to deal with some issue of our soul. Then again I’m not surprised at all, He’s always present… longing to be our God and more than willing to disrupt us in our adulterous pursuits

- Craig McConnell.

Comments

[phil anderson]

Craig,
As one of those men, I can assure you that footnotes were not neccessary to leave us smiling. I can affirm that God is working through you guys to bring us guys to a greater understanding of God's plan. A truly moving weekend where lives were changed and perspectives flipped. In one weekend I travelled from cynical and judgemental to seeking after God. I pray that I continue in this vein and that you continue in yours as long as God has you there.

[Rocco]

I'm smiling. ;)

[Les Stauffer]

"I'm sober, repentant and feeling invited into a deeper dependence upon God"...well said Craig. Does it get any better than that?

[David Brown]

As the song from Charlie Hall reminds us, we're all on the "Road to Beautiful". Thanks for "teaching" us how true men start hearing from their hearts, allowing God to change us there.

[Craig McConnell]

Phil, it was a great weekend up at Cooked Creek... God came for so many of us! He shows up for the Ransomed Heart Team in as profound ways as He does everyone else.

[Craig McConnell]

Rocco... me too!

[Craig McConnell]

Les... not much!

[Ben Coleman]

This evening, I just concluded a family dinner during which I shared the impact upon me and the men I brought to Boot Camp, of YOUR TEACHING. I told them that never in the last 5 years have I experienced such intentionality and clarity during your sessions as I did this past weekend. THANK YOU!

And it occurred to me earlier today how I would enjoy a book you pen coming from writing you do while you are immersed in(without your thought of it) your amazing quick whit and humor, whilst addressing something powerful and deep that Father places on your heart.

You're a good man, Craig! Clearly, you have what it takes and plenty.

[Bill Morrison]

Never had the opportunity to sit in one of "Dr" McConnell's theology classes but I am convinced that the lessons you teach now through the sharing of your life, it's highs and lows, and your style of relating, with humility, honesty, and humor, impact the lives of those who have the privilege to encounter Craig McConnell much more than any classes did or could have.

As I mentioned to you at BC, you have a way of growing on people and in the process, causing them to grow (me in particular). I look forward to the next lesson from "Professor McConnell".

[David Felts]

Ahh Craig, you and the Holy Spirit have done it again. You've got me to thinking. Crap! I just sent an email to my Pastor today talking about how I come alive when I'm helping others in their pursuit of God...and then you come along with your blog and get me to thinking, "Is that what I'm doing? Am I looking to how "I" help others as a way of validating "Who" I am?"
Dangit Craig...now I've got some 'splaining to do....thanks a lot my friend, thanks a lot....

As always, I love your heart, and the way that you get me to thinking....

[Craig McConnell]

Ben,
What kind and encouraging words. Thank you. Note, it was you that got me fired up Saturday Pm.

[Bryan]

You nailed me, Craig. Looking for validation/self worth from men and my performance rather than on God. Ironic how confessing a deep need/dependency on God leads others/invites others to enter into a deeper dependency on Him as well. I've been to class today.

[Jason Carter]

I attended the BC in October and Craig was real, transparent, and amazing then. Craig, your session on our "name(s)" changed me. I have the privilege of speaking Friday night to the young men of our youth group. They are going camping and our youth pastor wanted to use the book Wild at Heart as the guide. He asked me to start the weekend by doing a session on "who are you?" - (What is your name?, Being posers, What does God think of us?) I am taking the approach of "names" and would love some insight into your thoughts on giving this message to teenage boys. Any nuggets, illustrations, stories, etc. you could share with me would be greatly appreciated.

[Craig McConnell]

Bryan,
We're not alone! Though we soften it with other words, idolatry is rampant among us. May we find Him more deeply as the only true source of life and the validation we seek.

[Bryan cole]

Prof: I'll attend your classes anytime - they get more and more transparent with each passing session ;) Coffee, Gas, and a Car Wash anyone?

[Darrin Koone]

Thanks Craig, I remember you saying something about this a couple of years ago at a BC. I am so thankful that you took that hiatus and invested it in some men like me.

I had to take an indefinite hiatus in 2003 to get my heart back and you have been a huge part of that rescue.

I am sitting here struggling to figure out exactly how to wow the next men that come to our Boot Camp in June. I am reminded of what God told us after the last one. "It is not you boys, it's the message and ME"...

Wow am I thankful of that right now because I am just not all that powerful.

Thanks Craig for allowing God to use your vulnerability.

[Bill Harper]

I am feeling puny and beat up, preparing to speak at our boot camp in late apr.. wondering if I can.
Puny and beat up, in the war, not losing, just beat up.
My brothers remarked to me in one of the prep meetings.. Bill go for the "testimony leads to teaching" plan. It shines.
My story.. I get real.
Your story... You got real.

Real shines in a world of glitter.
I hope to see you at the advanced this winter, Craig.
Bless you... you tell your story. It has power.

[Vern Hyndman]

Foot notes are such a rich metaphor... these numbered literary devices that men require of each other to be taken seriously.

And today, the purity of truth that flows from your life through your words are so clearly and undeniably authentic that you can teach and write and connect with hundreds of men, over a period of years, with nary a single citation.

How much more blessed to hear, whispered between your audience, "yeah, now THAT dog hunts" rather than.... "did you just hear his reference to early Turtullian trinitarian theory?"

[Charlie]

Craig, it is ALWAYS a joy to sit as you teach. I'm SO glad has brought at the real Craig and the richness you have to share. I'd love to attend a weekly class you teach.... maybe soon?!

[Craig McConnell]

Ben,
Thank you for your kind words. - Craig

[Jeff Bridgforth]

Craig,

I want to encourage you. God is using you in my life through these blog posts and through the podcast. I enjoy hearing your insights. I think we are kindred spirits. I appreciate what you share and it leads me to deeper reflection and intimacy with the Father. Thanks for sharing your life with us. The Father is smiling.

[Craig McConnell]

Jeff.. thank you. I love His smile!