A Playlist
It’s a cold snowy day here.
It’s gloomy. It feels like a ghost town... no one is outside, on the roads or roaming the malls. Everyone has retreated from the storm to their shelter to find warmth, hope and Sabbath.
It’s a day that begs for a fire and an overstuffed leather spider web that some would refer to as a chair. I succumb with journal, iPod and tattered Bible sipping in full sagely form cup after cup of a steaming Sumatra rain forest that some would refer to as coffee… and then, later in the day, as the snow accumulates, the sun and temperature drop and an unrepentant wind kicks up, a pint of New Belgium 1554. And then another.
Though my iPod is set on “Shuffle” there is absolutely nothing random about the songs playing. The One True and Sovereign God who’s greatest joy is to overwhelm us with His glory and the ecstasy and fullness of His presence is gigging as a DJ stacking the deck with a playlist of songs transporting me back through time celebrating the romance we’ve enjoyed over the years.
It’s always stunning when and how God shows up.
There are so many different ways, so many odd, unique and familiar venues/elements that become the point of communion with God for us. God meets some on trails, some in books or gardening, in silence, tinkering in a woodshop, bowling, writing poetry or perhaps painting. Music is one of mine. It always has been. God has immediate and easy access to my heart through all kinds of music. One of my pictures of heaven includes an epic sound system with no limits on volume blasting tunes that have us all moving and grooving in some holy passionate wonderful way that celebrates the flat-on-your-face adoration and worship of God. Kind of a sanctified Woodstock without the drugs, rain and meaninglessness… with much, much better music. Kinda.
At some point in the “Random” playlist of:
- “Everything” (by Tim Hughes),
- “Summer of ‘69” (Bryan Adams)
- “Flight Over Africa” from the “Out of Africa” soundtrack.
- Ashley Cleveland’s “Gimme Shelter”.
- The live version of “I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For” (on the "Rattle & Hum" CD).
- Our God Reigns” (sung by Tomlin, Charlie Hall, David Crowder & Matt Redman on the “Everything Glorious” CD)
I’m hopelessly lost in my desire to live as I’ve never have. God is here!
Song after song transports me back to the events/people/themes of my life. For hours, between mugs of Joe and one funky attempt to make nachos the music becomes a link to the long winding road that is my journey. My earliest dreams and aspirations, the wayward years, the raw naked memories of the precipice I stood over screaming out for rescue. The music stirs the innumerable memories of God behind the scenes romancing me, luring me, forever patient and relentless with me in my idolatry, my desperate efforts to change the world, my vanity and tainted "righteousness".
I am totally captive to a leather sea anemone that some would refer to as a chair... rocking the neighborhood with unheard decibel levels… in His presence feeling all the appropriate emotions that come from the clear and unarguable recognition of how very, very far I fall short.
At the same time I sense His smile over me as we reflect on those times I've lived like a warrior king and then, all too quickly, I relate like a hibernating badger who only engages with the outside world by barking away all disruptors.
The music brought to my fireside seat so many of my adventures, births, joys, tears, vows and lingering desires, the laughter and pleasures I've known; my profound brokenness; and the glorious offering my life was intended to be.
Paul Simon, Bob Seger, Shawn Mullins and Janis all stirred up stories that are my Story. A life, presently, that’s the best it’s ever been despite the sins, chaos and failures to love and live well is, nonetheless, so very rich with a litany of transcendent moments of intimacies with my Father, my wife, my family… and my friends.
I no longer hear the music; all I hear is his invitation to more.
I love days like this.
"They" say this storm could last another day or two. Amen!
- Craig McConnell
Seriously Craig, please blog more often. Your words are full of LIFE. And I need more of it. You inspire me to live in abundance.
Posted by: Norma Gene | January 09, 2011 at 10:44 PM
I agree with Norma, your words need to be heard more often Big Brother!
I love days like that - but we rarely get the excuse that the weather keeps us from 'being busy' over her in the UK.
But when God arranges things so that I can slow down - I am with you in this journey of remembrances and emotions, and I am surprised by the sear joy of spending time just resting in Him!
Love you Craig
(((hug)))
Posted by: Pete Carroll | January 10, 2011 at 01:59 AM
Thank you for writing.
Posted by: Patti | January 10, 2011 at 06:06 AM
Craig,
Thank you once again for your words. I just returned from a cruise with my family. We decided after the death of my youngest son to do something different for Christmas this year, and going on a cruise was just the thing we all needed.
Thank you so much for the gift of your blog, what a great thing to come home to. Your blogs always bring my heart back to center where it belongs.x. I don't know where I would be if not for you and the team there at Ransomed Heart. Thanks bro!
Posted by: David Felts | January 10, 2011 at 08:02 AM
You've been missed brother! Hope all is well, glad to see you are back!!
Posted by: Rocco Capra | January 10, 2011 at 10:13 AM
As one of your faithful readers, I find myself yearning and smiling, agreeing and hoping. May the heavenlies heap blessings on you until you can hardly stand it. :-)
Posted by: jill | January 10, 2011 at 12:48 PM
I truly appreciate the encouragement to write more and the affirmation of what I DO write. So the question is, why don't I write more regularly?
Yeah! How do you explain the apparent paralysis or reluctance of someone who loves God, loves and longs to do something that brings deep joy and life to himself and others... something he's capable of doing and developing in?
Isn’t that each of our dilemmas?
I won’t, at this time, try to articulate all I see beneath my seeming inability to “step into” the exploration of a dream; however, it seems to be a tangled combination of fear, unbelief, hell borne assault, fatherlessness and a life poorly organized.
I’ve been pushing into the question and appreciate all the prayer I can get for the profound transforming intervention of God. - Craig
Posted by: Craig McConnell | January 10, 2011 at 08:07 PM
It's been such a long time, it seems, since I passed this way, but I couldn't leave again without checking in on you.
I could almost feel the very breath of God in the form of the music that filled and warmed the room where the two of you sat reminiscing about all the treasures of your lifelong journey together while I looked on, unseen, in silent wonder.
For whatever the days of this New Year hold in store for you and your family, may the gift of leukemia bring to your lives the simplicity you may have longed for, and the room to live and love with all the freedom you've ever desired.
May you be able to see this year even more clearly through His eyes, beloved brother. May you always feel His arm on your shoulder, His strength in your body, hear His music in your heart, and His whispered words of encouragement and of His delight in you each time you need them most.
Above all, may you and your family be forever hidden from our enemy in the depths of our Lord's joy and peace...a place where there is no fear, no assault from the depths of hell, no fatherlessness, no unbelief. Here, all your best dreams come true.
Posted by: ~jo | January 11, 2011 at 12:25 AM
You’re a great writer….I like how your heart sings songs of a different kind of winter. Thanks for putting words to how I feel inside. This is simply inspirational!
Posted by: Mark Mathia | January 11, 2011 at 10:40 AM
Thanks for your thoughts Craig. You do have a nice way with words. Going with 3 running buddies to a movie documentary this evening called "Hood To Coast" about the largest running relay in the country. We're doing some dinner & beers beforehand and I might just have to try the New Belgium 1554 :-)
Posted by: CJ | January 11, 2011 at 01:06 PM
Brother Craig, heart like my heart, writer of prose that gives life... let those fingertips loose more often!
Nothing But The Whole Wide World, Jakob Dylan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DaxM1k-CURw
Weeping, Vusi Mahlasela
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LnB2fZkLAI
(the version WITHOUT Josh Groban is actually better, but couldn't find it)
Thula Mama, Vusi Mahlasela
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LW0SMk-HJ3M
A Prayer For Our Time, Vusi Mahlasela
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vA1hNoCPgY8
One Tree Hill, U2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WfKhVV-7lxI
Bittersweet, Big Head Todd and The Monsters
Posted by: Vern Hyndman | January 11, 2011 at 01:41 PM
LOL! I love the "leather spider web" comment as I completely relate!
My home is in Calgary, Alberta, Canada (just north of Montana border) and we are living in a deep freeze at the moment (-4 degrees F). Quick trips outdoors are based on necessity therefore leaving ample time for indoor activities. My microfiber couch combined with my soft-as-a-lullaby heated blanket leaves me comfortably cocooned/marooned on couch island. And I pray. The honest prayers of life combined with dreaming of heaven. My anxious spirit is renewed again as I watch through my window, sparkling ice crystals delicately float through the air.
God just shows up in best places!
Thank you for your words, Craig. Always inspiring and full of creative writing! Many blessings to you always!
Kim
Posted by: Kim T | January 13, 2011 at 01:37 PM
Beautiful post Craig. If only we could stay in that place.
Posted by: Todd | January 13, 2011 at 08:11 PM
Craig, thanks for sharing with us your experience of "living, moving and having your being" in Him.
Posted by: Jerome Ellard | January 14, 2011 at 10:33 AM
Craig - you ROCK!
Posted by: Randy | January 25, 2011 at 11:17 AM
Craig,
Sooo good to hear your voice again! It's been a long time and I am so glad I checked today to see if you might be in. You put in words what I am also doing these days. It's like being in different chairs in God's living room -each with a different window, a different view, but experiencing a panoramic picture of our lives thru His faithfulness and His love. It is simply put...stunning. Thank you for writing and please contine.
Praying for you,
Beverly
Posted by: Beverly | January 27, 2011 at 10:44 AM
After reading your blog again and again, Craig, my response remains deep but simple... one word and one action: Yes! (smile).
Posted by: John Moorhead | January 27, 2011 at 05:50 PM
Craig
Someday I sincerely hope to share a cup or two of brew with you. Every time I read or re-read your letters of love I just feel I'm with a friend of like heart, comforted, encouraged and the aroma of realness is so close. Thanks!! Missed you and please know I pray for you often.
Rand
Posted by: Rand Sondrol | January 28, 2011 at 11:00 AM
We have such an awesome God, and His love is sooo good. I seriously wish more people would try to find God in more of the many ways we can “commune” or “fellowship” with Him (and I want that for myself and the rest of us too). It really is as simple as tapping into a big source of something. In the storms of our lives, that same rain is God pouring out Himself on us!!!
Posted by: Darren V | January 31, 2011 at 08:41 AM
Darren, thank you. I want you to know I am soo with you in that desire, and engaged with you in a journey of discovery. The more we look for him, the more he shows himself. As Dallas Willard says, Jesus taught that we live in a "God-bathed world." If I wrote of my experiences of the love of my heavenly Dad not only in the storms, but also while I am swimming in the ocean, indulging the tiniest purple flower between the rocks above the treeline, or in the different feel of various winds on my face, I first think I might be marginalized as a mystic; and then, immediately, the reality of it all sets in, and I could care less. I want more.
John Moorhead
Posted by: John Moorhead | February 01, 2011 at 08:04 AM
My husband attended boot camp a year and a half ago and came home with a beautifully changed heart and the song "Everything Glorious!" Today I heard a song for the first time, looked it up and purchased it for my iPod. As I was listening to it I had a flash back to when my husband returned from boot camp and felt I needed to share this song with all of you at Ransomed Heart. Ironically, as I randomly checked your blog (I have only been on this site one other time in my life despite the fact that my husband and I are big Ransomed Heart fans) your latest entry is about a playlist. So if you are looking for a new song to play loudly and sing joyfully, listen to the song "I am New" by Jason Gray. You may have heard it before, but if not it is a beautiful song of restoration....maybe it would be a song that would travel home with the changed hearts of other men and women leaving boot camp. Enjoy!
Posted by: Holly L | February 14, 2011 at 06:21 PM
Wow Brother, I'm so encouraged to hear you say that your life is presently the best it's ever been. Gives me hope. Live on.
Posted by: James Cole | February 19, 2011 at 04:44 AM
I love how you guys have captured the fact that God is telling a grand story through our lives. His heart is so deep and good. Thanks for sharing your blog.
Posted by: Gabe Jenkins | February 25, 2011 at 07:33 PM
Craig - I am beginning to call you my pastor meaning I know that you help me in ways my other churched guys friends don't see yet. But, I am still going after their hearts like Bart Hanson said to us at the WAH Boot Camp last August at Crooked Creek Ranch. I am still calling my 3 friends I met at this Boot Camp to keep the momentum of the Wild Goose going! And, the Wild Goose helped me find some men who just live an hour away from me who are walking in the Way of the Heart too!
I will write you more later!
Kurt
Posted by: Kurt | March 17, 2011 at 10:30 AM
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Thank you for keeping your blog credible. Let's keep the blog revolution alive!
Maria Blanchard
BlogFront.org
Blog Revolucion
Posted by: BlogFront | March 31, 2011 at 10:47 PM
Well said brother. It blesses me to have read this. I too, have felt that my life's soundtrack is a big part of my life, my story. Looking at it in this light is regenerating and refreshing. It also reinforces my passion for persuing God and being persued by the Warrior Father that is playfully showing His love for me in these intimate moments. Pray that I keep my heart and my eyes open for His fathering - and my ears open through my music!
God bless you man,
Dan Krieger
WAH - March '11
Posted by: Dan Krieger | April 04, 2011 at 11:02 PM