A Second Opinion

When cancer intrudes into your life it comes with a boatload of baggage. Some of it you’d expect: anxiety, an in-your-face mortality smack, physical symptoms, warring hell’s vermin, lifestyle changes and a profound desire to live and love as you never have. Some of the luggage catches you off guard. Shame for example, “Why am I so ashamed of myself, my life, my health, and every choice I’ve made in life?” Then there are the waves of confusion; hopelessness and despair that you thought your long storied walk with God would insulate you from. It didn’t for me.

 Another piece of cancer’s luggage is the “unknown”. The “unknowns” about your specific cancer’s “personality”, the staging of your disease, the multiple treatment options and ultimately your prognosis. All too soon your cancer seems to metastasize to your marriage, children, finances, plans for Christmas, career and interest in UCLA Basketball.

Hoping a “Second” opinion from the best cancer center in the world, M.D. Anderson, would bring greater clarity, rid us of the unknowns and calm our troubled souls; Lori and I flew to Houston earlier this summer.

How do you describe the experience of God coming for you through a hundred different people over the course of three days? That was our experience!

In ways it was a rescue. We were anchored again, reoriented, saved,  “found” and now rooted in some borderless circle of God’s grace and presence.

I came to this research center expecting scientists to view me as a specimen from which to draw blood, poke, prod and take tissue from; brainy nerds focused on numbers, levels, and statistical categories more than me… my heart… my life. 

We stayed at the Jesse H. Jones Rotary House, a Marriott “Ronald MacDonald” like hotel that is attached by sky-bridges to MDA. Given that the hotel is limited to cancer patients we feared it would be a horrifying combination of a convalescent hospital and battlefield surgical recovery room, with the walking dead moving through the halls. We’d been told it wasn’t that; I’m not sure we believed the reports.

 Our fears were totally unsubstantiated.

Every, and I literally mean “every” person we interacted with, on any level, was Christ to us. From the hotel Staff, the other patients/guests (some who looked like they’d been on the battlefield), the MDA team, the shuttle drivers, bartender, food service, housekeeping…

In a hundred different ways and encounters God came for us.

We sat with those suffering greatly and found Jesus in their words, stories, prayers and example. We cried and found hope. The weak spoke of strength. Death’s curse and threats seemed strangely silenced. One day I had a couple of hours free and was excited to spend it walking the halls and sitting in the lobbies so I could simply be with Jesus.

 My friend John Moorhead shared a quote of Dallas Willard with me, “Where there’s Goodness, God is there”. We lived and breathed, swam in, drank in and were covered by Goodness… by God.

 This next week I begin a new part of the journey.

I’ll be in an “Infusion” room with a few fellow sojourners for my first chemotherapy cycle… four days of cancer killing kick ass drugs through an IV. I’ll be chillin’ in a brown Barcalounger, covered by a blanket with an igloo packed with snacks nearby. Lori will be on one side of me, Jesus on the other as we pass the hours watching Planes, Trains and Automobiles, just sitting and talking about “stuff”, listening to my “Worship A” playlist, napping or flipping through the out dated People magazines laying around.

I’m so glad I’m not going through this alone.

There’s still a lot of unknowns and tears, but at this moment, full of hope and strength I can say, “I’m good, God is good, I’m alive and free… and cancer sucks!”

 - Craig McConnell

 

 

Comments

[Greg Tucker]

Craig, you've meant so much to me in this journey of getting my heart back. All camps I've attended, the Father used you mightily to help me find my heart and to live there daily never to lose it again. You made a big investment in me for the Kingdom, so today I in return invest myself through prayer for you and your family in the midst of the battle you face! Shoulder to Shoulder, Sword to Sword!!! JE Rivertree

[David Felts]

Craig, I must echo JE Rivertree's comment about how much you have impacted my heart and life for the Kingdom. I know that there is nothing that our God cannot do, and that it does my heart good to know that you are finding Jesus in the midst of this trial. I too, am going through a trial as well, having lost my job of 19 years this week. I am encouraged however by what I read in your words that regardless of what we go through, that we "GO THROUGH"!

You and your family have my prayers, and I believe God to show up in a huge way for one of His favorite sons! Love ya buddy!

Dave

[Russell]

My prayers will surround you next week. Craig, you're a good man with a good heart and my life is better because of you. I wish that I could be there with you.

Russell

[Jan Proett]

Craig. First of all, thank you for articulating your trek through all this in a way that brings us into your world.. and makes us laugh redemptive laughter at the same time. Of course! It is you! We are watching from a distance, but holding you close and dear in our hearts. We know that lounge chair well, and the holy presence around you that no words can express. Love to you and your beautiful Lori. All courage as you enter this battle like no other. Jan and Steve Proett

[Nick Tsouroullis]

Craig, you are not going through this alone. We are your allies and are standing with you too.

[Jim Stockman]

Craig - Just know that many, many love you - and the prayers will be real. You are, and always will be, in our hearts - the very hearts that you have helped to restore.

[Greg Sailors]

Hey Craig,

The community around New Wilderness is standing with you and Lori... עִמָּנוּאֵל

[Greg and Lisa Dornback]

Dear Craig and Lori - I join with the voices above in saying that your lives, the outpouring of your love and faith, have made an indelible impact on ours. And so now we offer back a small (but powerful!) gift of continuing prayer for you both, and for the family that surrounds you. When it all gets too heavy, think of us, the thousands of us who have been blessed beyond words through your teaching at retreats, through podcasts and CDs, and whose hearts are free and alive and praying for you. In Jesus' love,

[Jennifer]

Craig, I'm not a big fan of the lounge chair, but thank God for options. It's been amazing to read your testimony of God so deliberately surrounding you at this time with reminders of His love for you and Lori. I pray that your chemo treatment time is like your hotel experience -- completely opposite of what you expected and holier than you could have imagined. Love to you and Lori!

[Craig McConnell]

thank you for the prayers, the support... your words. each of you, thank you. - Craig

[Jenny Barker]

Craig~

Your transparent and honest words concerning all you are going through are so appreciated and heart felt. You are right...you're not going through this alone. We love you and are with you in spirit, praying for you continuously.

"After you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you." 1Peter 5:10

Be well...

Jenny

[Doug G]

Hi Craig,
My prayers are with you and your family during this time. God gives us strength to see us through the trials and we know that He is there with us!
Peace,
Doug

[Tony French]

Craig,

I thank God for you on a regular basis. Your insight into life has been an inspiration to me. I relate to you. Thank you for peeling back the layers of your heart so that I can better understand mine.

I just talked to My Father about you, and he confirmed what we both already knew, that He loves you. May you bask in the glory that is God's love. It overflows.

[Brian Draper]

Craig, your brothers & sisters in the UK stand with you & send their love. You have made the difference you were put on Earth to make, & long may you continue to make that difference! We will be thinking of you. X

[Karl Tusing]

Craig, though many of us do not know you, we, i.e. the Body of Christ, are alongside you on that Barcalounger, with your wife and Savior, helping in a small way to bear your burden by bringing it before the Throne of Grace.

We, your brothers in Christ, are born for adversity and, by the Strength of the Father, run to it. We are running to intercede for you and your family - Prov 17:17.

[Jay Ferris]

Dear Craig,

New kid on the block here about about a week ahead of you in the Barcalounger salon. Don't have any idea where you are in age, but it is clear that you have been very fruitfully relating to the saints who have stepped up to encourage you here. As for my, I'm teetering on the brink of 73, and I should say, your opening three paragraphs above are beautifully descriptive of our own experience. I begin round two of the two week cycles beginning this coming Wednesday. I'll be thinking of you, and praying for you during my barcalounger time. :-) Love!

[Brad Bailey]

Craig,
Our heartfelt prayers are with you and Lori as you enter into this profoundly illuminating battle. So much comes clear in these moments and I encourage you to share them deeply with all those close to you. Let Jesus fill the voids.

[David Leach]

Craig,

You have always been an inspiration to me because of your total transparency and realness. When I think of you I am often reminded of the scripture that mentions how Jesus saw Nathanael:

"Now here is a genuine son of Israel--a man of complete integrity."

Thank you for letting us into your heart.

[Norma Gene]

...and the peace that passes all understanding..may it guard your heart and mind...Craig, I've never met you nor am I likely to but I know I like you a lot!! We will be praying.

[Karen Keck]

I have gotten to know you a little through the Love and War dvd teaching. I have appreciated your transparency and honesty in it and now. I will be praying for your complete healing as you pass through this. Blessings and peace to you and your family. Thanks for writing.

[Rand Sondrol]

Craig
I've been recoverng my heart this past month listening to the Platinum Collection. Our God uses you so keenly in my life, I am so grateful for your honesty and huge heart. I kneel for you and with you this week and beyond, may Psalm 3 bring you great encouragement. Our God is for you!!

Rand Sondrol

[Kevin B. O'Neill]

Craig,
Jesus Christ, working through you, has been such a blessing in my life. You, kind Sir, are a warrior. I love you even though I have only met you once in person. Your life has greatly impacted mine, my families and our friends lives as well. We are praying for you and your family. So glad you are still seeing the presence of God in all those around you!

[Craig McConnell]

Well,

Here I am on my back getting infused with a bag of "juice" my oncologist nurse calls "The Cadillac"... because the ticket price for both, the juice and the car is $30-$40 K.

Christ is here, with me and in all your words of care, appreciation, blessing and prayer. Thank you. I've got 5 more hours today and then more Wed., Thurs. and Friday.

- Craig

[Matt]

Craig,
You have spoken so much into my life over the years through your teaching and sharing. You are an inspiration and a true warrior man of God.
Will be praying for you over here in the UK

[Kathy Sturgis]

Hi Craig,
I have prayed for you off and on today as God brought you to my mind. A
Thank you for your honest emotions. I pray God's presence will surround you and your wife and the midst of the unknown you will find peace and courage for this battle.

Kathy Sturgis

[Kristin]

Craig (and Lori),

I have prayed on and off all day. Praying lots of things, but one thing for sure is that all the cancer would be killed and all the GOOD stuff would be spared and remain intact. I have loved you since the first time you razzed me about all my luggage :) Much deeper than that, I have loved the way you both have impacted my walk and Robert's walk, the way we parent our boys and the way we love each other and God. Your life is like an open book to be read and shared by many. Thank you for being YOU. Don't give the nurses too hard of a time !!!

My love to you both,
Kristin

[Craig McConnell]

Whoa... What a day!!!!!!!! Thank you for your prayers.

Real short story… I’ll blog more about it, hopefully, over the weekend.

“Day One” was projected to be 6-8 hour treatment with some hefty reactions/side-effects. I was done in 5 hours and they didn’t even consider my one-hour of kidney pain, headache, and chills even on the “Reaction Continuum”. 70% + have such a strong reaction they have to supplement the treatment with additional drugs and slow the process down an hour or two.

There were some swirling fears and anxiety, but I was so aware of Christ being in our midst. It’s felt like Christ has hid us, put us in a strong tower, in a fortress, under his wing; there ARE battles being fought, but so far I feel 1,000 miles from the battle line with Christ saying, “I fight these for you, you’re safe here.”

The Oncology nurses observed when we first came in that we'd be one of the "Special Ones" because of our "spirit"… They knew I'd do well.

Day One felt like Victory One. Your prayers and God were stunning, absolutely on target, powerful, present, comforting, and hopeful and encouraging.

My faith, hope, courage and strength grew big time yesterday and will be called on today, tomorrow and Friday with new chemo treatments beginning.

I’m humbled and grateful for your prayers. I do need them.

Love God, live free… and resist all that’s trying to destroy your life – Craig McConnell

[Beverly Hudson]

"Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. They say of the LORD,"He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust..."
Craig, altho' I only know you through your blog, I pray for you and Lori and your family daily. Your life has read aloud transparency and hope. May the LORD teach you in a new way what it means to dwell in His shelter and to take refuge in His wings. May He allow you to see His shadow - evidence that He is near, watching over you.
Praying with others for you,
Shalom, shalom,
Beverly Hudson TX

[Gary Barkalow]

Craig, my friend, I've been praying for you. I'm still with you. From our years of friendship, though now distant, I still fell your suffering, confusion, hope and warm heart. Fighting along side you. Gary

[Wayne Shaw]

Craig, although we have not met in person, I can vouch for your fighting for men, and people like me through your words, your life, and your story. So when Christ spoke to you when it seemed you were 1,000 miles from the front lines, he spoke the truth (this is news?--well yes, and very good news!). As the cancer has reared its ugly head to threaten you, my own life earlier this year was one of nonstop warfare requiring nothing "more" serious than medication and therapy to preserve my sanity. I, too, was sent just the right people, and men, at just the right time, including my therapist. I have remembered your words in earlier blogs, and though distant in miles, there is no distance in God. Continue to fight well, brother. Wayne

[Richard Fee]

Hello Craig, you don't know me but I know you through the books, workbooks and
DVDs. Prayers are going up from Kentucky for you and your family specifically. I have been praying the prayer for freedom as well. It has been monumental in warfare. You know God's heart for you and I bet you are getting aware of how God is raising up a canopy of prayer over you through His working on out hearts. My Brother be well and keep up the good fight! We love you Richard.

[Liz Leahy]

Craig - Seeing your message this morning. I will absolutely be keeping you and Lori in prayer. You made a difference in my life all those SMCC years ago - and am glad we have been able to stay in touch. Sending love and all good wishes, Liz

[David Colborn]

Craig - I'm so glad I happened onto your blog. You mean a great deal to me and to the kingdom. I'm hugely thankful for you and your transparency. My prayers are with you and Lori.
David Colborn

[David Elliott]

Craig, You have definitely been displaying courage and hope through your posts in this blog. It has encouraged me too. Thank you. But, I can't help but feel that maybe today is a rough day for you. I hope it isn't. I hope it's like your Day One. Regardless, I'm praying for you--Christ's presence surrounding and holding you.
You life/your story is blessing many people. Please keep telling it.
David Elliott, TX Band of Brothers

[Stacey James Meginbir]

Craig, I love you.

[Ian Davies]

Thank you so much Craig for such a well written blog. Indeed your journey is immense and I will be praying for you and your journey. Please keep blogging and telling your story you are a big inspiration.
Ian Davies HTB band of brothers

[Jim Smith]

Craig,

As a recent attendee of Boot Camp where you shared your heart with all of us I can sense how God is right there beside you and Lori. My prayers are with you both. My favorite verse in Trust in the Lord with all your heart...

[Gary Armour]

Thank you, Craig, for your encouragement to all of us, even in the midst of your personal trials. Like Jim Smith, I am a recent Boot camp attendee. Your sharing there (Spring 2011 at Crooked Creek) and your openness and spirit of joy are contagious here in your blog as well. I will join my prayers for a total recovery with those of others who have written before me.
You are loved, Craig!

[supra vaider]

So fun article is! I know more from it.

[4rx]

Thank you for sharing you story. It is very inspirational indeed. Cancer is a detrimental disease and no drugs can kill it. However, there's one thing that will surely help you manage it, Faith.

[generic viagra]

Cancer is a very painful disease. I can't imagine myself having this kind of disease but you really provided us with great and very inspirational thoughts. Have faith and let Him heal you.

[Tiffany Outlet]

common cause, common struggle, so that people produce to endure all the power

[Michael Kors Outlet]

Reading shall be no doubt who teach in doubt, doubt no doubt have to, here side grow