Friends Who Pray

This evening ends “Day Nine” of my chemo-journey.

Here’s what I want to say to each of you, “Thank you, your prayers made a difference.”

At this moment those few words capture what I believe to be true of your prayers for me over this past week.

Yet, as I write those particular words I realize how overused and cliché they can sound.

“Your prayers make a difference” can sound like the religiously canned illusory response effective shtick that drafty “spiritual” professionals commonly use. I ought to know I’ve been a trained, tried and true spiritual-director/pastor/Pharisee.

My four days of Chemo this last week were brutal, discomforting, painful and filled with a sobering awareness of my helplessness in spades. At the same time God came in heroic ways for me. I was acutely aware of his presence, goodness, love, comfort and sovereign strength. I saw circumstances unfold in my favor and that reflected his heart, physical reactions that were relatively “mild”, and his provision of people, words, grace, beauty, joy and hope. On top of all this, he gave me eyes to see how ALL of this was connected to and influenced by your prayers.

This week I ached, groaned and worshipped.

Feeling good enough now to write, I wanted to give my heart voice to the gratitude I feel. In doing so I found myself using, what, to some, is a platitude, that I have ingenuously parroted in the past. For that I now repent.

Thank you, your prayers made a difference.

 

A week ago Sunday was “Day One” minus one. (In my treatment plan “Day One” is the first day of a twenty-eight day cycle, with the first three or four days involving an IV infusion of Chemo)

Having just taken a taxi to M. D. Anderson/Jesse Jones Rotary House I’m rolling our luggage across the threshold/doorway into the building when I’m swiftly T-boned by a wave of emotion. I can’t immediately name it, but its deep, good, powerful and a complete surprise… “Ahh… its God!” He doesn’t speak; I’m simply overwhelmed by his presence. And it lingers.

An hour later, Lori and I are enjoying a Reuben Sandwich on marbled rye and a Chipotle Salad with a couple tall frosted glasses of Houston Municipal water with a wedge of lemon when mid-bite I’m staggered to tears again as God shows up. Immediately I’m multi-tasking, trying to swallow, compose myself and interpret what God’s up to. Lori wonders out loud the very words I’m trying to spit out, “Safe, are you feeling safe?” Yes, that’s the word, “Safe”. I’m engulfed by safety, sheltered in some unassailable strong hold!

And then, in His presence at that lunch table in Rice Village, he began to unpack the word “Safe” for me.  

“I am your fortress, your hiding place, a rock, your salvation, and your refuge. You are cherished, free from harm, impervious to assault, out of harm’s way, hidden, shielded… under my care and guard.”

"Rest, lay your sword down… this battle is mine.”

 This wasn’t a pre-chemo catharsis, an expression of powerful positive thinking, a breakdown or me “bucking up”. This was My God bringing into my entire being all that he promises us. This was the Word. The Living Word, God being God!

And a zillon passages came to mind; here are but two:

The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me; Your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, 
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. - Psalm 23

Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation." - Psalm 91:14-16

I wasn’t to fight, I didn’t need to. I was to rest in safety, to be still and know he is God. He is a Warrior and he had me tucked away in his fortress 979 miles from the front.

Thank you, your prayers made a difference.

 

Days Three & Four.

By all standards, statistically and anecdotally my oncology nurses assured me I was experiencing relatively mild side effects compared to 70% of the patients receiving the same treatment. I totally believe them… I walked the halls and saw suffering on an exponentially higher scale than my current one.

Thank you, your prayers made a difference.

My big-hearted Jesus loving, Mama comforting, compassionate, joy-bearing soul sister nurses were God to me! There were other nurses I could’ve had, but didn’t. I was surrounded with life-givers. (I cried saying goodbye to them Friday).

Thank you, your prayers made a difference.

Fatigue is the most disheartening and challenging side effect I’m experiencing from the Chemo. There are times this world changing apostle of joy who’s liberating captives and prisoners around the world has wondered, "How I can possibly move the 12 foot span between my bed and the restroom?" 

I have been close to total helplessness. Safe but helpless.Preparing to leave Houston I feared all that was required of me to get back home. Check out of the hotel; get to the airport, through security, to the gate, the plane, to the car and home.  At the same time, God was there… in “it”, over “it”, all over “it”. I knew, really, really knew in places far deeper than my fear that God would come for me in anyway I really needed.

No horse pucky, he came! I had strength, endurance and an “I’m on top of the world” attitude all the way home. It was God! I was strong in him.

Thank you, your prayers made a difference.

 

Days Five & Six.

These were the most agonizing days so far.

God had ushered me back to the front and with validating words told me to pick up my sword and join him in the battle. (The breaks from the front are not yet unending.)

I could find no comfort. TV and music were no distraction, I couldn’t read, sleep, sit, stand or walk. The icing on the cake was opening a delightfully demonic inspired letter that had been sent over night from my insurance company informing me they had reversed their decision and would not cover any of my cancer treatment expenses at M. D. Anderson!?@#*!.

We fight, we resist and at times we’re withered from the battles our lives bring but we never war alone. I was not alone in the trenches… somehow I knew that, and that was all I needed to know.  

 I have tasted sweet victories this week, other victories are yet to come, but victory is certain.

Thank you, your prayers made a difference.

 

Days Seven & Eight.

For brevity’s sake I will be uncharacteristically short. I feel great! Not 100%, but great!

I don’t think my journey is really much different than yours. My best advice: love God, live free and fight viciously every foe trying to take your life.

 Thank you, your prayers made a difference.

-Craig McConnell

 

 

 

Comments

[David Felts]

Craig, I'm reminded of a Scripture my Pastor shared with us tonight. It's found in Matthew 19:26, "But Jesus looked at them and said, With men this is impossible, but all things are possible with God."

Take comfort that even though there may be dark days, and things may look impossible (like insurance companies doing what they do), with God all things are possible my friend!

Strength and honor for the Kingdom and the King!

[Julie Musilli]

Loved this - absolutely! Thank you for taking the time to share with us such a rich tribute of our Father looking out for you! Of course he gave you soul sisters! He loves you so much! So grateful for your life! Julie

[Jennifer]

Thank you so much for posting this update. Some time ago, on another recording, you said you were very aware that you don't suffer well. Interesting how we can be transformed over time, eh? I'm so glad that God was so present for you and Lori. We need you!

[Greg Sailors]

Craig, you are such a blessing brother! Love ya bro and we'll keep praying.

[Leah Hutchison]

How does one comment after reading this. Yes, we were and are praying and yes, it must make a difference because I just read how it did.
We love you Craig.
Leah

[Beverly Hudson]

Thank YOU! For caring enough about others to share your journey. What an encouragement YOU are to bring all attention to our Abba, who cares so tenaciously for His children! I clap in His Presence for all He is doing in and through your life. May you and Lori hold His hand tightly, and even if tired, rest your hand in His as He leads you through this season. What joy and peace radiates through your words. I live in Houston and grew up around the corner from Rice Village. The Medical Center here has been the home of many miracles for many people.
Shalom, shalom, fellow sojourner...
Beverly Hudson

[Teressa Ryan]

I too know. To have knowledge of and personal experience, beyond the cliches of religion that our God is so much more than we ever dreamed possible. Like you I have walked that valley of the shadow... I thank God for the future he has prepared for you, for good and not harm.

[Steve Lynch]

Craig,

VICTORY!

[Sharon Welgus]

Craig, I came through two cancer surgeries and treatments this year and this was my experience as well. I felt cushioned by the prayers of others, in a cocoon of protection. This beautiful writing, Craig. Thank-you.

[Colleen]

Thanks for your update. Weknow that prayer is effective but thanks for taking the time to remind us that are praying of that.
Have heard so many comments these past couple of weeks about your impact on the men here. Thanks for pressing in to the Lord for them.
Bruce and I watched your movie recommendation this week (in the basement!!). He will tell you later how the Lord spoke to him through it, I am sure.
We will continue praying for you and for Lori.
Colleen

[Becki Nelson]

Tears well up at your description of God's presence, especially Day 1, 2, that visceral awareness of Promise fulfilled inside of you beneath the fear. Thank you for the poignant reminder that Reality at its most Real is completely and specifically a Person who Loves Now.

[Russell]

Thank you, Craig, for taking the time to outline your experience. While God asked you to lay down your sword, He sure seemed to ask me to pick up mine on your behalf. God put you strongly on my heart the whole week you were in Houston. Your words have brought me peace in His faithfulness to us in our times of deepest need. Thanks, Craig.

[Craig McConnell]

I'm continuing to do well. Blood work is good ... appetite is fully returned and I've been motoring around well. Again, your words, blessings and prayers are so appreciated.

Side note, I'm been so blown away by Psalm 23! My goodness, there isn't a more familiar passage of scripture yet it reads so fresh and new to me right now. I love how God does that! - Craig

[CJ]

Thanks for sharing your journey with us Craig. Inspiring, hopeful and real. Seems like the Lord is three steps ahead of us in terms of knowing what we need.

[Brian]

God is telling His story, through your story Craig. So encouraging, so God and His character...I love Him more for it.

[Karon]

Reading all the comments thus far from brothers and sisters in Christ makes my heart realize and know this is the unity of Christ - our hearts united in Him. My heart is overwhelmed by the unity and freedom that the Ransomed Heart Ministry brings. Thank you Craig for sharing your life with us by writing about your experience. It has strengthened my heart to know I am not alone. God is good to us. He's given us each other. Thank you Craig for sharing...God's almighty strength and power continue to be upon you as He uses you to bring such hope and freedom to so many hurting hearts.

[Keith Glover]

Craig, it is amazing how God takes something like this to encourage those of us who are trying to encourage you. It helps us know that our "gifts" are really gifts to be given away. Thank you for giving your "gift" of encouragement away to us! I love you brother, and continued prayer is with you and the entire RH team!
Remember, as you bring LIFE to others, the enemy will fiercely oppose this...so when the wold is full of trouble, be of good cheer for the ONE whom we serve (who has been with you this entire time keeping you safe) has overcome the world!!
Way to be an "overcomer" Craig!!

[Carrie]

Thank you, THANK YOU, for sharing your journey. My prayers for you will continue. You are a blessing.

[Lisa H.]

Our God is so so good. I will continue to pray!

[Eric Saxton]

My wife and I leave again for another trip to MD Anderson. My experience has been much like Craig described, very positive overall. The Dr.'s have displayed their God given gifts, they are amazing.

I was at boot camp August of 2010. Boot Camp prepared my heart and mind for the journey to come. At age 40, I have gleason 9 prostate cancer. Since my diagnosis in Feb 2011, I have traveled to MD many times. I wouldn't have it any other way. I am sick of cancer, but would not trade the blessings and the closeness to God that it has brought. I trust in Jesus. I appreciate Craig sharing with us. Stay strong brothers, God is with us!

[לפרטים]

I saw the changing circumstances in my favor that reflects your heart, the physical reactions that were relatively soft.

[ginny]

Dear Craig,
Thanks for sharing your journey. I remember you made a comment about being lonely (sorry the date escapes me). I remember the comment because I have experienced it myself. No one else has to go through the narrow gate of treatment with you. There are many around cheering you on--and God, Himself is there, but it is your body, your soul, and your spirit that walk through alone. The good news is that Jesus understands and comforts, even when we can only groan in communication.
Praying for His light to dazzle your sight, flood your soul, and renew your spirit.