A Chance Encounter?

So, I'm walking across the parking lot today back towards Whole Foods. I'd finished my shopping, put the bags in my truck, but I'd forgotten a fork. To eat my lunch. Anyhow, I'm walking cross the parking lot when I hear a voice yell, "John!"

I look around, don't see anyone, and keep walking. 

I hear, "John Eldredge?" and this time I see a guy climbing out of his car, smile on his face. He introduces himself, a Wild at Heart Boot Camp alum from two years ago. It was good to see him. "I'm leading some guys through Fathered by God!" he said. "Wow, way to go! How are things going?" I asked.

Tears welled up in his eyes.

"My wife is having an affair."

I was devastated for him. We talked for a bit about what is going on, he held back the tears, we prayed. Then we parted.

I'm still sobered by it. A chance encounter? This man doesn't even live in Colorado. I never, ever walk back into the store for a second time. It was Jesus, I know.

And partly it was for this good man, so we could talk, and pray.

But God was also speaking through the encounter to me...to us.

Stasi and I never planned to write a marriage book, you see. It stills feels weird that we have. But I am seeing more and more that this is the Next Front in the Great War. The enemy is raging, and homes are falling. "There is evil all over her," this man I spoke with in the parking lot said.

Indeed, there is. Against all of us, married or single.

And so I find myself thinking about what it means to strengthen ourselves in God. We say our prayers, every day, because it strengthens us and prepares us for what may come. (I think most of us realize we must be strong in Christ for whatever may come.)

What about strengthening our relationships as well? They need it, though it might not seem like they do. This man didn't think so. Not till now.

A Valentine's Day Story

While Jesus was in Bethany in the home of a man known as Simon the Leper, a woman came to him with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, which she poured on his head as he was reclining at the table. When the disciples saw this, they were indignant. "Why this waste?" they asked. "This perfume could have been sold at a high price and the money given to the poor." Aware of this, Jesus said to them, "Why are you bothering this woman? She has done a beautiful thing to me. The poor you will always have with you, but you will not always have me. When she poured this perfume on my body, she did it to prepare me for burial. I tell you the truth, wherever this gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her" (Matthew 26:6-13)

Often as I move through my day, trying to navigate the whirlpools of this world, the relational, spiritual and social whitewater, I will often turn to Jesus in my heart and ask, "What do I need to do, Lord?" My question is usually fueled by some twist or turn I don't know how to handle - some test or trial, some oncoming battle. Life as usual. His response is nearly always, "Love me." 

That's it? Love you? 

That's it. That is what is most needed.

For when I love God, my whole being is re-oriented, re-aligned, healed. When I love God, the internal effects are almost immediate; they are often profound. I can't hold onto that grudge, not while I am loving God with "all that is within me." I can't covet or worry or fear. When I love God, really, it changes everything.

And this is why he said, start here. This is core. Love me.

deep breath

It's Sunday. Stasi and I were just sitting in my office at home, talking about the fact that this is the week we start the Love and War Tour. I said, "Okay. Anything funky between us this week," (I was already feeling the funkiness, the "you don't really like me" stuff), "anything that feels weird is NOT true. It's not us. Anything that feels like diminishment this week, or accusation, is NOT true. This is a Tour week." She nodded, sighed. We both shared a sober look.

Moments earlier we were checking email, and then I suggested we watch the trailer for the new HBO special on WWII in the South Pacific. It was, as those sights and sounds go, sobering.

Now I'm realizing it wasn't coincidence.

We wrote Love and War to rescue hearts and lives and homes and all that follows when a heart and life and home is rescued.

To say we are hitting the road this week makes it sound like "just another conference." We can even get lulled into that ourselves. But it is not. This is the Kingdom of God, advancing in a war-torn world. It is beauty and life and love and hope breaking forth.

I hope you'll join us. We'll be in Abilene, Austin, Orange County and Seattle this week. Tulsa, Omaha, St Louis and Charlotte in February. You can learn more and grab the cheap tickets at www.loveandwar.net.

Oh, two things: Tell your family and friends! Help spread the love. And would you pray for us? After all, Love and War is far more than a cute title. 

Thanks!!

The Theme of the New Year

Every year, on New year's Day, I try and take some time to be with God, and ask him a few questions.

First thing I'll do is sanctify the coming year to Jesus. I'll pray to consecrate every day and every moment of the new year; I'll consecrate all my desires, plans, and even my calendar to him. I know too well how the pressures and demands and crises rush in to steal the days. I also know that my desires are not always what God has for me, and I don't want to rush on making plans outside of his. So, right at the start, I give the year to God. I devote it to him, dedicate it to him, consecrate it.

And then, I'll ask him a question: "Jesus, what is the theme of this year?"

This has proven really helpful to me, a sort of anchor, a guiding light that I return to over and over through the year. Often, I'll be starting a new journal around the first of January, and I'll write the theme of the new year on the first page, so that I see it every time I open the journal.

This year, 2009, Jesus gave to me the theme of "Love." It has proven true, and been a rescue to me a hundred and one times through the year. A deeper walk of Love, a deeper experience of Love. Sometimes it was about loving others, and the theme helped me in my relationships. Sometimes it would be about the love of God for me, how I need more of it, to receive it, dwell in it. Sometimes it was about inner healing, replacing the deep things that drive me (like fear and striving) with Love. 

Every time I saw the theme, it was a re-orientation for me. Bringing me back to center, to what God was most especially doing this year in me.

So, I'm excited about tomorrow. I can't wait to hear what Jesus has for me in 2010.

I thought you'd like to do the same; see what he has for you!!

The Utterly Unique Gift of Christmas

I love singing Christmas carols. I love what their words remind me of. Just this morning Stasi was singing a few refrains from O Holy Night and it absolutely grabbed me:

A thrill of hope

The weary world rejoices

Something deep in my spirit said, O yes, dear Jesus, we need hope. Come for this weary world. Actually, this world is more than weary. This world is coming apart at the seams. I do not refer to the wars, the disease, the economic chaos, the human trafficking. These tragedies are blatant. Something deeper is unraveling. I wonder if you’ve felt it, too. There is a barrenness of spirit, a desolation creeping across the earth. It is the root of these outbreaks. The fabric of social life is rending, because the fabric of the human spirit is nearly worn through.

You can see this in many ways. Take the explosion of Facebook – it is a grasp to stay connected. But it falls short of true community; there is no human touch, no face-to-face. Everyone is getting tattoos – they are a grasp at permanence and self identity. But they are skin deep. We know we lack substance, and we grasp for it.

Into this great ache has come the latest fashion: Social concern.

We know the world is weary, so we rally now to lend a helping hand. Oprah, Bill Gates, Bono – if you want to be thought well of these days, you have a cause. Toms shoes. Fair trade. Shrink your carbon footprint. Social concern is in, its hip.

And it will not work.

This is not the message of Christmas.

God didn’t offer the shepherds a grant for their micro economics. He didn’t offer the little outcast family an apartment.

He offered them a savior. He offered them himself. And with him, a kingdom.

There is simply no other way to save this weary, unraveling world.

Now here is my concern – it is easier to offer social consciousness and environmental responsibility than it is to offer Jesus. I am much more inclined to offer my neighbor a helping hand than tell him he needs Jesus Christ. When I get to chatting with strangers, I’d much rather they know I give to support AIDS relief in Africa than that I am a Christian author. Social concern is cool; Jesus is majorly disruptive.

Now the socially concerned are mad at me. “The Bible commands us to care for the earth! To care for the poor and the oppressed!” Yes, it does. But let me ask: What is the unique contribution of Christianity to this weary world?

It is obviously not social concern.

It is Jesus and his kingdom.

That is why the old hymn says, “Joy to the world! The Lord is come! Let earth receive her King.” No receiving of the King, no joy for the world. Now, of course we offer help. Of course we lend a hand. But Jesus said that cup of cold water is offered “in My name.” Without Jesus, social concern will not rescue this unraveling world, for it cannot address this barrenness of spirit. As C.S. Lewis said, “God cannot give us happiness apart from himself because it does not exist. There is no such thing.”

Think again about the gift in the manger. God saw what the world most desperately needed, and what he chose to give us was…Himself. To care for the world is to offer Jesus Christ. This is the message of Christmas. “Let every heart, prepare him room.” Then heaven and nature will sing. Then will break the new and glorious morn. O, may it come.

Today's The Day!

Well, Stasi and I have been up for most of the night. 

Not because of excitement (today is a big day!).

Not because we ate too many bratwurst (they were really good, especially with mustard). 

The reason was attack. The spiritual warfare in our home and bedroom last night was palpable. You could feel the presence of evil. After a few rounds of prayer, we did get to sleep. Sometime after 3am. 

It's a compliment, really, in a back-handed way. The enemy is freaking out. And well he should be. Well he should be.

Today is the official launch of Love and War!

Stasi and I wrote the book in the spirit of, "What would we say to help other couples find their way through the minefields of marriage to something really beautiful together?" This is not a book of principles. We do not present ourselves as marriage "experts." I don't enjoy those kinds of books, frankly.

This is a field report from a man and woman, both very human, of what we have learned. 

We think you're going to LOVE it!

We KNOW it's going to be very helpful!

So we hope you'll grab a copy for yourself, and give a dozen to couples you know for Christmas. I mean, what better gift? "Here is hope and healing and joy and a battle plan for your marriage. Things will never be the same!"  

That is why the enemy is freaking out :)

O, and don't forget to join us tonight for the webcast! 7pm Mountain Time. Log on at http://livestream.com/WaterBrookMultnomah. 

Let's go save some lives!

One Week from Today!!!

December 15 is a big day for Stasi and me.

It's the release date for Love and War, our new book!

We're also doing a live webcast that day.

We've been looking forward to this for a long time! Our hope and longing and earnest prayer is that God uses this in a HUGE way. To help marriages. And to draw folks into the beauty of this Gospel. We know the book has the power to. Our marriage has been rescued by all that we write about, all that we divulge. It certainly is the most vulnerable book we've ever written. 

A couple weeks ago I was reading in Augustine, when I ran across the phrase "a new song of deliverance," and the Spirit grabbed me, and said, "This is what Love and War is - a new song of deliverance!" Wow. Now that has hope written all over it.

Join us in this move to rescue hearts. Here's what you can do:

Pray for us!

Log on to the webcast next Tuesday, December 15 at 7pm mtn time. Here's the link: http://livestream.com/WaterBrookMultnomah.

Give Love and War to your friends. Hey, it's Christmas time. Perfect. I ran into a young man a week ago who said, "My wife and I were praying, and we felt God wanted us to give Love and War to the married couples we know, for Christmas. It feels like a risk, because we are only newly married, and the budget is tight, but we sensed this is what God wanted us to do." They ordered 15 copies to give away. How cool is that?! How loving. And how powerful for the Kingdom. Those homes are going to be singing a new song of deliverance!

That's what it's all about. That's the work of the Kingdom. 

Join us!!

The Best Present I could ask for

Well, we crossed the threshold into Advent on Sunday. As my thoughts have been turning towards the Advent season, and the coming of Christmas, I found myself thinking about gifts I would like to give, and gifts I would like to receive. After a good bit of meandering, I landed on what I most want to ask from God, the greatest gift he could give me.

Himself.

That's what I want. That's what I most need.

I thought of something CS Lewis wrote: "God cannot give us happiness and peace apart from himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing." All else that I long for is either found in God, and only good in him, or, I can do without if I truly have God. This is really the greatest gift we could ever receive.

Then my thoughts turned to some dear souls who live with diminished views of Jesus and the gospel he preached. I see how sad their experience is, how limited, even bound, and again I found myself realizing what an enormous gift it is to have God as he really is, have his gospel as it really is. The torment of misunderstanding can be awful, as those who live under the common Christianity-as-guilt know very well. As do those who live without his nearness, or counsel, or deliverance. To know God truly, to have him truly is the only life there is.

Which then led me to something I'd read recently in MacDonald (this is how my quiet times go, one thought leading to another): "The God and Father of Jesus Christ could never possibly be satisfied with less than giving himself to his own."

That is what I want.

This is what I'm asking for. 

O Jesus, give us yourself, as you truly are.

imotives 2: things I would not be caught dead doing

singing onstage before a live audience

getting a pedicure

wearing a clown suit to the next Wild at Heart retreat

having my personal journals read aloud at the National Religious Broadcasters Convention

yodeling on Oprah in a tutu

There are certain things that simply strike fear into our hearts when we given them even a passing thought. The fear is gut level. It has nothing to do with what is rational. It is primal.

You have your list, and I have mine.

Just to make sure you are tracking with me, jot a few down. Begin your list. “You could never pay me to…” fill in the blank. Wear your pajamas to church. Roller blade in a Speedo through the mall. Grow a neck beard. C’mon. Fess up. You have your list.

We like to think of ourselves as above this stuff. We are free from the opinions of others. We are secure. We are no slaves to fashion. We find our identity in Christ.

That is, unless we are asked to do several of the things on our “list.” In the next ten minutes. Can you sense the fear leap up? “There’s no way. I’m not gonna do it.”

This fear runs deep in the human race. It is ancient. Genesis 3:10 stuff, the fear of exposure. It is far more powerful than we like to admit. It is the origin of every fig leaf and fashion trend. It’s what gives power to culture, by the way. And peer pressure. We long to be praised. We dread exposure.

I’m convinced that until we have a healthy appreciation of how deep this actually runs in us, we won’t have a true grasp on our motives. I long to be esteemed. I have an allergy to being laughed at.

Now yes, we might point to pop culture or some group and say, “That has no power over me. I don’t care what they think.” That may be true. You won’t get gages in your ears. Or you won’t wear a tie. But you have a group that you do care what they think. Very much. (The irony, of course, of the “rebels” in every generation, the punkers or grunges or goths is that while they give the finger to society they carefully dress and speak and act to impress the one group they do care about. They desperately want to fit in.)

We flatter ourselves. But the truth is, we know exactly what our particular group esteems, what they consider utterly distasteful, and we play to the crowd. Or at least, do our best not to stand out. (University professors typically do not wear cammo to commencements). The same fear drives us.

This is no cause for shame. But it does beg a little humility, and honesty. Our fig leaf is not quite as noble as we assume. It cracks me up how much I think about this, while pretending not to think about it. I am about to order a pair of shoes on line. I know what I like. I also know what my peers would think was cool, and, more importantly, what would invite quite a bit of grief. Can you guess which shoes I am not going to buy?

i Motive

Most of you have probably seen by now the commercials comparing the Mac to the PC. “Hello. I’m a Mac.” “And I’m a PC.” (If you haven’t, you can watch them on the Apple website.) They are funny; they are clever; and they are absolutely brilliant.

The Mac is hip, laid-back, dressed for the times, tolerant, “authentic,” the ultimate postmodern. The PC is awkward, dressed for the office climate of the 50’s, goofy, overweight, fumbling, and clearly not authentic. C’mon now, admit it – you want to be the Mac. Even if you don’t own a Mac or ever care to own a Mac, in that commercial, you want to be the Mac. Who wants to be the idiot?

Let me back up. Let’s begin with motives.

I was just reading a passage in the Gospel of John, how many of the Jewish leaders actually did believe in Jesus, “But because of the Pharisees they would not confess their faith for fear they would be put out of the synagogue; for they loved praise from men more than praise from God” (12;42-43). It is a very human passage, so true to life. Think high school peer pressure.

I mean, c’mon. You know it’s true. Look at everybody jumping on the “Green” bandwagon. Green is in, Green is enlightened, Green is the cause de jour. Every corporation from coffee to cars now sells itself as Green. Huh. They didn’t do this five years ago. How come they’re suddenly touting their Green credentials now? Do you honestly think this is all in the humble interest of a better world? Then why don’t they just do it, and not tell anyone about it? (Isn’t that what Jesus said, in the Sermon on the Mount?!)
So, motives are essential, and motives are often shall we say, questionable.

According to Jesus, anyone wanting to pursue a true life, anyone wanting to live with integrity and authenticity has got to be honest about their motives. This is core to his teaching.

Back to the Mac ads. Surely you are aware what a powerful motive “wanting to be liked” is. It shapes what you wear every day. The way you talk. The way you present yourself to the world. What you say. What you won’t say. How you want to be seen. Your opinions. This defined high school. Did you really simply wear whatever you wanted and say whatever you wanted when you went to school? Heaven’s no; you’d have been eaten alive. Cast out. We made sure we dressed like and spoke like and held the opinions of the group we wanted to be part of. It might have been the jocks, the cool kids, the academic crowd. Regardless of the details, we all lived a very calculated life.

We still do.

Good grief, the Jewish leaders in John 12 choose fear of man over confessing Christ. “What people think of me” is a VERY powerful motivator.

Thus the brilliance of the ads. In the powerful riptide of current opinion, laid-back is in; uptight is out. Tolerant is in; dogmatic is out. Enlightened is in; holding onto old ways is out. This goes way beyond computers. It shapes our theology, our politics, our values. It is shaping you more than you know.

Call it i motives.