Bills Schmills

I realized something today. 

It was after I stopped moving the three envelopes around on the counter and opened them and in a moment of rare swift decision, paid the three bills.  Wow.  Just like that.  Took care of them.   I was on a role, feeling quite good about myself so bboldly, I went to my bill pile (hidden in the laundry room in a decorative bread basket) and emptied the pile on top of the washing machine.  Man!  What is it with these things?    I think they multiply when I turn off the lights.

But today, I was not dissuaded by the sheer number of them.  I picked up the top envelope, opened it and marched right to the computer and paid it on line.  I even recorded it in the check register and put it in its very own file.  So uncharacteristically organized of me!  Amazing!

But I looked again at the bill pile and realized that they all needed attention.  Again.  There is the utility bill, the phone bill, the cellular phone bill, several mystery medical bills...I just paid them last month and here they are again clamoring for attention.  Unsatisfied.  They want more.  Why is it never enough with these, these, these invasions to my life?

I know.  It's time to reveal my realization.  The way I feel about bills goes way beyond irritation and anxiety.  The truth is, I am personally offended by them.  They  make me feel like I am not doing enough.  I am failing.  I am affronted by them!  Yes, little phone bill, I spent a lot of time with you just recently and what, you're back?!  You want some more from me?  I'm not doing enough?  Why do you keep coming?  Leave me alone!

Two months ago our phone was turned off.  Woops.  I was really, really late in retrieving the pile from the bread basket.  These guys are relentless.  Yah, they sent the colored bills.  Yes, I got the phone message.  But I deleted it without really listening to it.  I did pay attention when I didn't get a dial tone.  Used my cell to call home and got the "temporarily disconnected" message.  Then I hustled to retrieve and open and thank you Jesus that I could, pay the bill.

The thing is, they are not an insult.  Getting a bill in the mail is not the same thing as a nasty letter sent home from a teacher to my parents tattling on me.  They are just an annoying part of life.  I like switching on the light in my room.  I'm tying by it now.  Shoot - I'm typing...plugged in at this very moment.  Little marvelous conveniences that I take for granted and every single month of the year have to pay for.

And they are not a sentence on my life either.  When I can pay them and when I can't.  When I'm on time and when I'm late.  They are just bills. 

And man, is there a big ole huge pile of them on my washing machine right now.  Multiplying I'm sure, at this very moment.   But they lost some of their power today.  Power I didn't even know I had given them.  Because over the silent demand of "pay me now" came the Holy Spirit with his fabulous perception and truth and remembrance; revealing once again where my identity lies and who has the power to tell me who I am and how I'm doing.  And that all is well.  All manner of things are well.  Pile or no pile.

A Thank You to Life Givers

 

The Pastor's Wife by Sabina Wurmbrand:  (speaking of time in a Romanian prison camp)

"So we argued the night away.  The prisoners murmured and grimaced in their sleep.  Names were muttered, or cried aloud; of children, fathers, lovers, friends.  But most often, the word 'Mother!'  Age and class had lost all meaning as they dreamt, and the soul in distress whispered from its depths the old cry.

 It went deeper than a simple appeal to one's own parent.  It was a cry for the eternal female tenderness and motherly care which exists for us in heaven."

  

Happy Mother's Day all.  This is a shout out to women everywhere.  All of you! Being a mother is a glorious, amazing, exhausting thing.  A great gift.  And though not all women are mothers, ALL women are life givers. Really. The look in your eye.  The thoughtful remark. The kind gesture.  The fierce strength on behalf of others.  The heart you carry.  It all brings LIFE.  Life to a needy soul and a weary world.  Life to ministries, creative works, businesses, missions, relationships, and people. Every woman is an image bearer of our Life Giving God.  

I have benefited so much and so many times from the gentle and strong offerings of life from women.  I just returned from the grocery store and while there ran into a neighbor from eight years ago. Such a pleasure to catch up...so happy.  She brought me delight!  Such a simple thing.  Got home to a phone call from a woman friend who's poor health and handicaps keep her shut in for most of her hours.  She's in pain but offers me and others mercy.  Love. Encouragement to be aware and grateful for each moment of our lives.  Two life givers in twenty minutes!  Hooray!

My mother was a life giver.  Oh, I wish I had had the eyes to see and the heart to appreciate all that she did and spent on and for me while she was still alive.  I lay in bed last night just remembering - and thanking God - and looking forward to the day that is coming when I will look her in the eyes again and be able to truly say, "Thank you, Mom".

I ramble.  But I ramble with a grateful heart. Bless you women of God. May you know his pleasure and delight for the myriad and countless ways you are bringing HIM to others.  They may not thank you. Not yet.  But God sees. And on behalf of him and the ones in your life, thank you. Happy Mother's Day.